February 2012
28 posts
7 tags
'You heard me.' by Kate Ruppert
‘You heard me’
February 24, 2012
I spend a lot of time throughout the week wondering what I’m going to write about come Thursday. I wait and wait and wait and wait for one of y’all bitches—or, on a fortuitous week (for me, but definitely not for you)—several of you to sit on the Stool of Ventilation behind my desk and launch into a problem for which you’ll ask my advice. ...
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“I can drink a whole pot of coffee and instantly take a nap, I can pass out in...”
– http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/18114340040/red-wine-cats-and-recipes-late-night-lentils-aka
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Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Late Night Lentils...
I may have mentioned this before but I pride myself on being a champion sleeper. I can drink a whole pot of coffee and instantly take a nap, I can pass out in car, on a train, in a bus, up in a plane, I can take a 3 hour nap – get up, eat – then go back to bed. Some people may call this depression.
Last night however, I could not sleep. This freaked me out, I was like “My one gift!!!” So you...
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD, ROSS DRESS 4 LESS.”
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Tuesday Meditations: HOLY FUCK, ROSS DRESS 4 LESS.
(a photo essay).
Hey assholes,
Just letting you know I’m keeping busy writing mad poetry and breaking hearts. But in between doing those things, I’ve decided to expand my horizons. For example, I bought some fucking Tacate Lights instead of Coors Lites this week, and I also started using my turn signals while driving.
And as you all well fucking know, I’m also a woman of the...
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“While not a real thing, the “friend zone,” as a concept is believed by many...”
– http:// saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/18020960475/the-male-bag-by-colin-hughes
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'The Male Bag' by Colin Hughes
Today marks the day of the new (and only) man on SSFB campus. You have wrote in, often and vigorously, and Colin Hughes has answered.
Ladies and B*tches….
QUESTION #1: WHY THE F*CK WON’T CJ ASK ME OUT?
ANSWER:
First of all I don’t know CJ and despite the overwhelming back story that you have painted for me I’m going to be forced to fill in some of what’s...
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SSFB welcomes COLIN HUGHES- The Male Bag
This is a lady site. By ladies. For B*tches.
But sometimes you need a little Male.
Enter- COLIN HUGHES!!!! Colin will be answering all of your burning desires, aching needs, and scratchy itches. You write- he answers. From the Male POV. The Male Bag.
Good Luck Colin. You will need it!
Stay tuned for Monday….his first response. For now, a little treat.
Colin Hughes is a...
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““Say I Love You, and often. Nobody complains about getting too many...”
– Advice and Playlist to go with it.
There is more where that came from.
http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/17643919133/tuesday-meditations-2-my-big-dumb-heart
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The Art of B*tching- 'Car Business' by Rebekah...
Okay, I realize before I begin that I have little room to complain due to the fact that I have yet to be plagued with car issues until this week. However, now I’m in the club of shitty car issues (and Welcome to the club indeed!) and so I feel that venting is perfectly appropriate. There is nothing that can sour your damn day faster than car problems. Am I right? Can I get an Amen?...
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Tuesday Meditations (2): My Big Dumb Heart.
Today I finished my work and my requisite P90X and got high as fuck to write my own meditation. So, after you enjoy the fruit of my admirer, you can enjoy this entry from YOURS TRULY. You see, I’ve gotten two types of request for my Valentine’s Day Edition this year: music and advice.
Music, because I have bomb-ass musical tastes, and advice because I’m a fucking GURU...
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Tuesday Meditations (1): I Have A Secret Admirer.
Okay, now I’m not a big Valentine’s Day person, but there’s a lot of Data and requests being thrown my way. So, I submit not ONE, but TWO Valentine’s Day editions of Tuesday Meditations this year!
TUESDAY MEDIATION 1
Last night, I came home buzzed as fuck from a Tiki bar and found this:
He/She also wrote today’s meditation for me. Which is strange- considering...
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Tuesday Meditations: 'My Mom Runs My Life' by...
Tuesday Meditations: ‘My Mom Runs My Life’ by Rebecca Leib
Not literally, idiots. She controls my online personae outside of SSFB. And just to prove her vast and ultimate power, I give you the Ok Cupid profile she set up for me in order to hook me a MAN. Now, most of you know that I’m AMAZING in bed and generally everywhere else, and definitely don’t need a man to make me happy or define...
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“If you’re lamenting why no Man will take you seriously, then you need to...”
– http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/17385686263/you-heard-me-kate-ruppert
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“Islands is a tiki hut explosion for Suburbanites and Midwest transplants. It is...”
– http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/17387021889/parenting-advice-from-someone-who-didnt-think-she
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Parenting Advice from Someone Who Didn’t Think She...
This conversation took place with my future stepdaughter at Islands- the Restaurant. Fine Burgers and Drinks.
If you don’t know what Islands is- you probably don’t live in California, Arizona or Nevada. This slice of tropical paradise only exists in this trifecta of key states.
Islands is a tiki hut explosion for Suburbanites and Midwest transplants. Fake toucans hanging from...
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'You heard me.' by Kate Ruppert
Febby 10, 2012
We have so many things to talk about this week. Y’all have been especially full of the kind of woe only a Lady can experience. One topic is particularly high on the dramatic scale, and it’s ohsovery timely, so we’ll chat about it: Valentine’s Day. My favorite. Before I go any further, if you don’t do Valentine’s Day, or you think it’s a marketing ploy, or if you think it’s...
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The Art of B*tching- 'Retail' by Rebekah Tripp
So…..recently folks…I changed jobs. Hallelujah!! Thank the Lord!! Granted….I’m still working with the general public, however, this time…I don’t have to serve them food. Big step up. BIG step. I now work in a clothing store. Which…I must say…has some magnificent perks…like big, fat discounts on more clothes that I don’t need but must have. Think the hubs is happy about that sh*t…not...
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Tuesday Meditations: I'm not Pinterested.
Hey fuckfaces,
I’ve been busy as shit so many apologies for the skipped week. Oh wait, I’m not. Because instead of reading my fucking bullshit, you SHOULD be reading like…the news. Or at least some creative non-fiction, for fuck’s sake. Or at LEAST this Benjamin Franklin picture with some text on it:
You see, I was at a party the other night. Naturally, I was getting...
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Valentine's Day is Swiftly Approaching- do you...
Whether you are in love, hate love, love hating or want a new lover to eventually hate- The Messenger has a card that will say it all for you.
Check out this awesome new line from some of your funniest favorite b*tches- Kate Ruppert and Alisha Gaddis (with logo design by Rebecca Leib!)
http://themessengercards.com/
If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I...
leetakeuchi:
Just to look at her act like:
Then watch the dude sit there like:
Follow Totally-Relatable for the funniest and most relatable posts.
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“I’ve always been of the mind that “more is more”. I overdress to the grocery...”
– http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/16864835936/red-wine-cats-and-recipes-dressed-up-frozen-pizza?ref=nf
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Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Dressed-up Frozen...
Question, Ladies: what exactly is “business casual”? What does that mean to you?
Me, I’ve always been of the mind that “more is more”. I overdress to the grocery store, I love pearls and long gloves, I wouldn’t be caught dead without stockings on, hell I’ll even dress up my food. I’m great!
That’s why I was shocked when my manager took me aside the other day...
January 2012
21 posts
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“Girl #1: ” Kenny G came into CPK and tried to get a better table today.”
Girl...”
– http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/16707923883/overheard-at-the-nail-salon-1-by-alisha-gaddis
Alisha Gaddis
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'Overheard at the Nail Salon #1' by Alisha Gaddis
So, I go to the nail salon. Not as much as I used to since Kate Ruppert changed my life and had me switch from regular manicures to gel manicures (They can last perfectly up to 3 weeks. 3 weeks I say!!!)
This is not my real hand, my nails look even better- if that is possible!!!
The nail salon is the perfect place to stare at people that you would never really get to in ‘real...
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“You’re almost dead old man..chill out.”
– http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/16591388697/the-art-of-b-tching-cranky-old-men-by-rebekah-tripp
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The Art of B*tching- 'Cranky Old Men' by Rebekah...
You know what I hate, when people disappear for freakin ever and then all of a sudden show up like it’s no big deal. Then you sit there and feel like the *sshole, cause you’re thinking, “Where the F have you been?” So, in order to circumvent all that sheezy….I shall call a spade a spade. I been gone fools. However, like a late period….I’m back and I know you are oh so glad to see me!
...
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Letter to the Old Black Man Riding a Horse Down...
First of all, BALLER.
Second of all, let me introduce myself. I’m Rebecca Leib. I’m a writer. You may know me from such publications as Art Ltd., Beautiful/Decay and-
wait.
You’re riding a horse.
Fuck it.
The first thing I noticed about you was your sheer height. You see, not many people ride horses around these parts. I’m pretty sure you are cognizant of...
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“Did you kill a man and steal his saddle?”
– http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/16427900907/letter-to-the-old-black-man-riding-a-horse-down
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'You heard me.' by Kate Ruppert
We’re gonna chat about something we’ve never really delved into on its own before. It’s so fundamental that I’m shocked and awed we haven’t dedicated an entire year to it yet. Maybe 2013. Unless I’m super famous or married by then, then probably not. I’m talking about Honesty. Your basic, erryday Honesty. And, in the spirit of honesty, you should know I’m stone cold sober right now. I...
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Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Raw Kale Salad with...
I just started a new job and I’ve discovered that starting at a new job feels a lot like being the new kid at school. What I am trying to say is, I have been eating lunch in my car.
Raw Kale Salad with Chicken, Toasted Walnuts and Cranberries
(This is what I have been eating. It’s delicious and keeps me from having to get to know anyone.)
Serves 4
½ cup dried cranberries
½ cup...
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“Anyone who is to find Christ must first find the church. How could anyone know...”
– Martin Luther
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Tuesday Meditations: Martin Luther Day
Hey Senors and Senoritas,
Just back from a fucking awesome weekend, and naturally I’m a little bummed to get back to work. THANKFULLY-One of my favorite holidays was yesterday, Martin Luther Day!
Look- his name was painted into the piece! Ingenious!
It was super exciting because I could reflect upon the fast and impacting changes Martin Luther made on our society, culture and...
rebornlessalive asked: hi there! so I'm looking for some inspiration pictures, because I'm cutting my hair short, so I searched the tag short hair, scrolled for a bit and then this post came up (it won't let me include the link but you posted a list of short haired celebrities sometime in 2011) I was just wondering...who is the celebrity in the last picture? I feel like I know, it's right on the tip...
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““A woman doing comedy doesn’t offend me but sets me back a bit. I,...”
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Suck it Jerry Lewis.
“A woman doing comedy doesn’t offend me but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.”
- Jerry Lewis
“F*ck you”
- Judd Apatow
Here is why we artfully disagree. (by Meg Swertlow as seen on the Insider.com)
...
“I took the class with a few friends and a handful of people that I am pretty...”
– Jamie Brunton
http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/15671382404/red-wine-cats-and-recipes-lemon-and-powdered-sugar
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Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Lemon and Powdered...
I’M BACK!
I took a few weeks off to do some “me things” then Tumblr decided to suck balls and I haven’t been able to post to my page for about a zillion years blahblahblah I’m back.
AHEM!
While away, I did some pretty awesome stuff. Like what? Well I took a five week French class at the LA Community College. Have you been to LACC? Well let me tell you, it’s NOT great. But I am...
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Tuesday Meditations: Resolutions Can Suck A Dick
Hey assholes-
Hope you had a swell new years! I was pretty fucked up, but I distinctly remember bandaging a bloody wound and a sweaty ex getting in the way of my game. Or was I bandaging a sweaty ex and a bloody wound was getting in the way of my game? Fucked if I know. I love drugs!
But, gentle readers, that’s neither here nor there. I know you know I know that you know people who...
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“She had a mastiff, a raspy voice and some fiancée who got her a gorgeous ring. ...”
– Kate Ruppert
You heard me.
You heard me. - Janny 6, 2012
When I was a senior in high school, I took AP Psych. Our teacher was Ms. Scheuyer; she was cool. She drove a really nice Volvo station wagon even though she wasn’t married, which was kinda baller, actually. She had a mastiff, a raspy voice and some fiancée who got her a gorgeous ring. And she was definitely a stoner. I didn’t know that then, but looking back,...
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“I’ll have the warm milkshake, please.”
– http://slacklust.com/post/14951642373/on-call-admissions-of-a-phone-sex-operator-rebecca
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Tuesday Meditations: Phone Sex
Is everyone still hungover? I know I am.
I’m also frazzled because I think I may be the hollywood arsonist. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Read this shit:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2081067/LA-arson-fires-Police-release-security-video-Hollywood-arsonist-remains-large.html
Why? Because:
a. I live in Hollywood
b. have a ponytail
c. like to light shit like...
December 2011
9 posts
5 tags
