January 2011
27 posts
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BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE “DIRTY GIRL”...
So this Thursday, XBF’s father will be paying us a visit for a few days. It’s times like this that we are so happy to have a guest room. But it is times like this that we are concerned that we have been using said guest room as a storage unit for the past year and a half.
Now, I’ve never been the ‘neatest’ person in the world. And I don’t mean… gosh golly gee, I’m so swell and super...
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'Shakin’ It Is Hard To Do.' by Renee Gauthier
I have decided that I am tired of lookin’ at my gigantic birthing arms.
I am gonna start tomorrow, Monday the 31st of January I will be “shakin it.”
For a long time I was just “shakin and bakin’” but times are a changin.’
When you see a supermodels arm on the street…. look twice it may be Renee Gauthier.
I will keep a journal and check in every Monday. But for now, I must do “Michael...
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You Heard Me! By Dr. Kate Ruppert
Thanks for your email. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to respond as I’ve hopped on over to Chicago for the weekend with my mom because that’s how we do. On Monday, however, I’ll catch up with you. Promise. I hope your weekend is as great as mine.
That’s my current Out of Office Reply. Because I’m out. But next week, the doctor is in. You heard me.
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Beezy's Bagina Bonologue: 'The C Word' by Bekah...
Hold on Laura Linney. This isn’t about that nasty disease that’s the topic of discussion, on that premium cable channel, called ‘The Big C’. No no, we’re talking about that nasty word that generally and in a vulgar way refers to lady parts. Now, I find that most people have an aversion to this word, hence the phrase substitution, ‘the C word’. I’ve realized, as of late, that my distaste for...
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A Special Message from LAURA MANNINO!!!
I’m so excited to be part of a great stand-up show and even greater cause this Sunday, January 30 at 8 PM at the Pig ‘N Whistle at 6714 Hollywood Blvd. I’m joining comics, David Lawrence XVII, Cathy Lewis, Emily Churchill, Erin Schauer, Sarah Taylor, Jason Stuart, Kristin Brock, Jan Kelly and host, Renee Santos to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
...
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'My Kind of Politics' by Maggy Keegan
Ladyfriends! How are you this week? Anything I should know about? New developments we need to have a sit-down lady chat about? In world news my mom sent me four bottles of lotion over the weekend and some perfume so if anyone needs a new lady scent let me know. I’m trying not to read too much into amount of perfumed items sent my way but that’s a lot of lady smells to send one daughter. And...
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Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - Rack of Lamb with...
I have been to the playboy mansion three times in my life and no, it was NOT to get naked. Each time was more an act of charity than anything and as you will soon understand, the Playboy Masion (like its ladies) is not something that gets better with age. In fact, every time I went it got more depressing. I mean, like really depressing. I’m worried if I go back one more time I’m going to see...
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"Tuesday Meditations: Tips for the Discerning...
So, this weekend I house/Smalls sat for another of your favorite SSFB writers, Kate Ruppert. You know, the “You Heard Me” girl with the bald cat.
Needless to say, now I know all her secrets.
I won’t tell you her fucking secrets, because that’s the kind of housesitter I am. A fucking PRIMO housesitter. And, I don’t just fucking housesit all willy-nilly. I’m a fucking DISCERNING...
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'Baby Food Diet' by Special Guest Writer-...
My biggest excuse for not working out is, “I just ate.” Sometimes people say, “Why don’t you just stop eating?” But it is just as difficult for me to workout, when I am starving. So I have been pondering, for years, how can eat I regularly, and still work out without vomiting? This year I have it figured it - Baby Food.
I did some research and it turns out, I’m not the first...
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BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE ”G&G” by...
G & G isn’t just your average Letter ampersand Letter combination.
G&G is not a supplier of funky apparel. (H&M)
G&G is not something sweet coated in a hard candy shell. (M&M)
And G&G is not an inn providing a place to lay your head and a warm meal. (B&B)
G&G is how my family affectionately referred to my Grandma & Grandpa: Bernyce and Marvin...
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" Christmas in Chicago, LIKE. Guy in line with...
This holiday season started off with a standby flight to Chicago, Midway airport from LAX. Flying standby is totally new to me, and I lucked out by getting on my flight planned. I was in line to board and standing next to a gentleman that most Midwest folk would consider ‘typical’.
Balding, chubby guy in his 30’s just making witty banter to cover up any insecurity he may...
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Beezy's Bagina Bonologue: 'My Golden Globes' by...
My Golden Globes are in direct contrast to this year’s Golden Globes. Mine are lovely and beloved and there is never any dispute on this point. They always aim to please and they always make people happy. There is nary an unkind word spoken of my globes. They are the delight of many though truly enjoyed by a lucky few. While I love talking about my boobs in this euphemistic way, my...
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You Heard Me! By Dr. Kate Ruppert
Based on 30 years of technically-single, I have had time to think about some things that most people don’t have the time, or perception of reality, to think about. Things like: Would I be okay just adopting if I never get married? Or: How the fuck am I supposed to share a house with a boyfriend let alone a husband and, like, kids and ugly toys? Sometimes: Think I can knock out a wall...
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'Is this Milk Expired?' by Alisha Gaddis
How do people do it? Really. I just don’t get it. I constantly run out of toilet paper. The wrong containers get in the wrong bins for the recyclng (and I am just pleased with myself for even having labeled bins). I have taken my car to the carwash one time in my adult life and I bragged about it for three weeks. I try desperately hard to make the bed everyday, but there are so many darn...
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'Old Stand-bys' by Madam Maggy Keegan
Ladies, don’t tell anyone but I had mini-snickers for dinner last night. I think they may have been leftover from Halloween. I know I should eat real meals and three of them a day but they were one of those super delicious eight o’clock meal choices that just seems right at the time. And who am I to go against the wishes of the universe?
In other news I lost my voice this past week. I...
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Tuesday Meditations: Tuesday Meditations: THE...
It’s almost the end of the first month of 2011, and OF COURSE everyone’s getting all f*cked up over something stupid. This year, it’s the change in zodiac sign. Well, just a reminder, we go by the tropical calendar, not the star calendar, so don’t panic if you can read and comprehend this article:
http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/13/no-your-zodiac-sign-hasnt-changed/
If you’re a...
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BEING MRS. JESSICA - THE WIFE LIFE – DAY NUMBER 1...
January 1, 2011 was the beginning of a new decade… a really cool date 1-1-11… and my 32nd birthday.
This my first birthday as a married woman…
The anticipation of the day brought on a feeling of dread. I realize that people tend to get stressed about birthdays ending in 0s or 5s… and yes… 30 was traumatic in and of itself. But 32 had me running lines from ‘When Harry Met Sally.”
...
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Beezy's Bagina Bonologue: 'New Year, Same B*itch'...
What up what up what up??!! (While I do want to know what is up, it’s fairly rhetorical because this is a written document…so I put question marks and exclamation points….cause it’s f*cking 2011!!!) Isn’t it funny that once it hits the New Year, everyone uses that phrasing for….everything? I’m gonna go skydiving….cause it’s f*cking 2011!! I’m gonna get a tattoo….cause it’s f*ckin...
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You Heard Me! By Dr. Kate Ruppert
Dear Kate:
What are your New Year’s resolutions?*
Love,
Jane Q. Public
Hi Jane. Thanks for reading.
I think we need to have another one of our talks, Ladies. The kind where I start by rolling my eyes, exhale dramatically and pray to Dios en el cielo that I only have sons. A New Year’s Resolution. Recipe for disaster. Any superficial and/or metaphysical phrase-slash-idea that...
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'A Little Bit Country' by Maggy Keegan
FRIENDS! How ARE you?! How were your holidays? Fabulous? Good. Glad they’re over? Me too. Still eating like you’re on vacation. Yes please! Alright, let’s get down to serious lady time. Look what walked into my life about a month ago:
No, I mean really, look at it.
Amazing, right?! Can you see what’s happening? Here, lean in.
IT’S FRINGE Lady America, FRINGE! I didn’t know how I...
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Laura Mannino Has Left the Couch...to find another...
Happy New Year, SSFB readers! The Christmas tree is out of my living room and rotting on the sidewalk and what better to kick off the New Year than to find a new living room and sidewalk. Since I’m not having quite enough of a difficult time committing to a blog posting schedule, balancing a side business and a “developing” business (“developing” is a nice...
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Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - Celery Root Soup with...
Happy New Year, Friends. Here we go again. Starting fresh. Making plans. Setting goals. REALLY doing it this time!
I don’t know about you guys but I love New Year’s. Not the shitty parties part but the shitty resolutions part. I live for the thrill of goal setting, the will they won’t they of to-do lists. Every year is the same, the high expectations, the disappointing failures, the UPS,...
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'Tuesday Meditations: I Hate Girls Who Dress Like...
Hey girl. Yeah, you, with the dyed black or acid red hair. Yeah, you, with the peony awkwardly placed within said hair. Know what? You are just as bad as those Hollywood Boulevard skanks wrapped in cellophane.
And maybe said pin-up girl emulator clutches her ironic brooch or her unbuttoned shirtdress in horror. How could you say such a thing, she may say, as her liquid-lined pinup eyes ...
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Welcome to the New Year at SSFB! from Founder...
Have you failed your diets yet? Regretted any choices? Already forgotten your resolutions?
Me too!!!
Have you had champagne for no reason? Laughed so loudly people stared? Been the hit of 2011????
Me too!!!
Welcome to 2011- fabulous style!! We have new writers, new tips, new laughs, old hits, old friends and your better believe we will ” SAY SOMETHING FUNNY….B*TCH!!!”
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