Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - ‘Christmas Morning Breakfast Sandwiches’ by Jamie Brunton

You guys ready for Christmas? 2012?!!!

It’s true what they say, that Christmas seems to come earlier every year. However, it never seems to come early enough for my Mother whom, I’m pretty sure if we let her, would start planning Christmas the day after Christmas.

Every year, around the end of bathing suit season, my Mom starts to get what we call the “ticket-sweats”. She has to book her holiday plane tickets immediately otherwise, if she doesn’t do it now, they will surely get so expensive she will go bankrupt, there will be no planes left, all the seats will be taken, Christmas will be cancelled and the repercussions will not only mean the complete meltdown of our family as a unit but the death of all joy and happiness for each of us, forever.

As a result, I usually begin to receive phone calls like this:

Mom (September 2^nd): Jamie? Have you thought about your Christmas plans yet? Listen, I know it is early but we really need to work them out cause you know how expensive tickets get if you wait. So I’m just checkin’ in. Want to see what your plans are, okay? Also how’s work? I made meat lasagna for *Cathy this afternoon then went to the gas station. Call me about these tickets okay?! Love you.  Bye!

* I don’t know Cathy.

Mom (September 3^rd): Jam? I haven’t heard from you and these tickets are going up every day. I’ve been checking and they just went up $5. Please call me!

Mom (September 3^rd): I bought the tickets.

You see, to my Mother, there is no greater torture ON THE PLANET than the thought of an un-purchased plane ticket. I mean, if you really want to make her insane, like to the point of her head exploding, plan an event, pick a date… then tell her she can’t book a flight. It’s like telling her you have fully operable cancer buuut are just gonna wait it out and see what happens.

So it is now the beginning of November and let’s just say Christmas is planned. And I mean like planned, planned – I’m talking to the meals-between-the-meals planned.

I should also mention that holidays with my Dad are the exact opposite. No one even thinks about Christmas until about two hours before, which means every year we all just end up eating Starbucks breakfast sandwiches and exchanging dirty $100 bills.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Christmas Morning Breakfast Sandwiches

Go to Starbucks

Pick the least disgusting cheese/meat combo

Tip profusely for making some poor teenager work on Christmas cause you couldn’t get your shit together.

Think about how Mom is usually right, how Dad is wonderful then go home and get drunk with your awesome sister.

Happy Holidays!

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Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - ‘Spicy Chipotle Cream Sauce’ by Jamie Brunton

It was my birthday last weekend. How was it? Well let’s just say you know you are getting old when your version of “going crazy” just means eating a lot of gluten.

Spicy Chipotle Cream Sauce

Adapted from http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/09/pasta-with-tomato-cream-sauce/

Serves approx 8

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons butter

1 ½ tablespoon chipotle powder

1 cup of heavy cream (brought to room temp)

1 whole medium onion, diced

4 cloves minced garlic

2 (15oz each) cans of tomato sauce

Sugar to taste

Salt & pepper to taste

Fresh cilantro

Melt butter in a pan over medium heat. Add onions and garlic then sauté for approx a minute. Add tomato sauce, chipotle powder, salt, pepper and sugar to taste.  Cook over low heat, stirring occasionally, for 25-30 minutes. Remove from flame and slowly add cream. Serve over pasta with fresh cilantro!

Note: I topped my pasta with seared scallops (check out simple instructions here: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/seared-scallops-recipe/index.html) but it is wonderful simply poured over some cooked pasta or used to marinate chicken.  This recipe also makes quite a bit so I usually freeze anything left over.

 

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Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - ‘Simple Thai Laksa Soup’ by Jamie Brunton

So Halloween is right around the corner and you still don’t have a costume? Don’t fret.  Being a chronic procrastinator myself, over the years I have come up with some of the easiest (and laziest) last minutes costumes. Yep, I got you. Try any one of these and thank me later.

“The Morning After” = Party dress, messed up hair/make-up, panties in pocket. The good thing about this is that you can just go straight from work.

“Bear skin rug” = Paint your face like a bear then glue Barbie Dolls having sex on your back.

“Hippie Ghost” = Get a sheet, paint with peace signs, cut out eyes and a breathing hole then lurch around moaning, “Ooonamaste OOOh I don’t own a tvBLAH…”

“Freudian Slip” = A slip with a nametag that reads “Hi My Name Is: Oh REALLY?! You think that is just a cigar you’re smoking? Yeah RIGHT!”

Undercover Cop = stink-eye

Myself, I am planning on going to my local American Apparel and buying one of those David Bowie/Goblin King costumes they sell all year round. I’m very excited. But before that, let’s eat huh? In honor of our “keeping it simple” theme this week I have an ultra easy version of Thai Laksa Soup. Laksa is a coconut based soup that is pretty damn labor intensive. This is a way simpler version that still maintains the yummy warm and spicy flavors I love. Let’s do this!

Simple Thai Laksa Soup

Serves 3-4

Inspired by www.zenfamilyhabits.net

1 package of dried rice noodles (in international aisle of grocery store)

2oz Thai curry paste

2 tablespoon olive oil

1 large can or about 1 ½ cups of lite coconut milk

2 cooked chicken breasts, cut into pieces

2 carrots, chopped

1 potato, cut in cubes

1 thai chili, seeded and chopped

2 stalks lemongrass (white part only, pounded)

2 cups chicken stock

4 teaspoons sugar

Fresh Basil for garnish

 

Place noodles in a bowl and add boiling water until noodles are covered. Let sit for approx. 1 min then loosen noodles with spoon. Drain water and set aside.

 

Add 2 tablespoons of oil to a pan and add curry paste, fry for 30 seconds. Add coconut milk, chicken stock, and lemon grass. After you bring to a boil, add potatoes, carrots, sugar and chili. Simmer until cooked, about 20 minutes adding more chicken stock if necessary. Once veggies are tender add noodles and cooked chicken to soup and top with plenty of fresh basil. Serve immediately. And Happy Halloween!

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Who says healthy can’t be good?

Well, me mostly.

Turns out, that isn’t quite the case. This week I made my fiancé and his friend (read: two guys (aka: two major bros)) a super vitamin-rich, veggie-based meal and they absolutely raved. Those stupid meatheads loved it! In fact, they liked it so much that they demanded I make it again. To which I meekly complied.

Pan-Fried Butter Beans and Kale

Serves 3-4 

1 large bag of kale or mustard greens

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 14oz cans of butter beans (rinsed and drained)

3/4 cup pecans

1 clove garlic, minced

1/8 teaspoon nutmeg

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

Zest of one lemon

Salt to taste 

Preheat oven to 350 and spray baking sheet with cooking spray. Toast the pecans by putting them in a single layer on the baking sheet a cooking until slightly browned (3-5 minutes). Remove from oven and set aside.

Heat olive oil in the largest pan you own and add the butter beans in a single layer. You may have to cook one can at a time. Let the beans sit long enough to brown on one side before turning over (about 3-4 minutes). Carefully flip the beans to cook on the other side being careful not to smash them.  Beans should be brown and slightly crispy on the outside.

Add the greens to the pan and cook for less than a minute or until greens begin to wilt. Season with salt. Add the walnuts and garlic, cook 10 seconds then add nutmeg. Cook 10 more seconds then add lemon juice and zest.

P.s.  I adapted this recipe from here: http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/panfried-corona-beans-kale-recipe.html (this site has lots of yummy vegan and gluten free recipes - if you are into that.

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Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - ‘Spaghetti Squash with Avocado Sauce’ by Jamie Brunton

Week 2 of this hell-diet (aka: the no alcohol, coffee, dairy, wheat, sugar, soy, red meat, joy diet).

At this point, I’m pretty sure I would murder for the leftover backwash in the bottom of a stranger’s wine glass. I’d also kill for a f***ing cupcake.

Basically, I’m open for homicide.

As much as this does suck (and it does) at the suggestions of friends and co-workers I have found some pretty good gluten-free/ dairy free recipes. I mean, I’ve found some horrible recipes too but let’s focus on the positives for a moment shall we?

This recipe was great for the following reasons:

1. I could eat it.

2. Unlike most vegan food, it didn’t give me nightmares.

3. It didn’t have coconut in it.

Let me explain, since I cannot have dairy or soy, virtually everything I have been eating is made with coconut. And while I enjoy coconut a lot, I do not need it in every meal. I don’t. Every single thing I’ve put in my mouth for the past two weeks has had the slight taste of coconut and it’s making me insane! I feel like I’m living on a goddamned desert island.

ANYWAY!!!!

This recipe is honestly really healthy and delicious and the avocado makes for a wonderfully creamy and savory sauce. Plus the fresh lemon zest really brightens it up.  I mean, I’d still strangle someone for a piece of cheese, but this is also very good!

Next week? I go to Idaho, sober, to see my loving, yet booze-soaked family. Then wait for them to reject me like a baby bird.

Spaghetti Squash with Avocado Sauce

(inspired by The Biggest Loser Simple Swaps)

Serves 4

1 spaghetti squash, cut in half and seeded

1 ripe avocado, pitted and sliced

¼ cup fresh basil

1 tablespoon chopped chives

2 cloves minced garlic

½ cup pine nuts

1 lemon juiced (plus zest for garnish)

1 can (15oz.) rinsed and drained garbanzo beans

Salt and pepper to taste 

Preheat the oven to 375F. Coat a baking sheet or pan with cooking spray and place squash, cut sides down. Pierce the outside of the squash with a knife before placing in oven to roast for 45 minutes or until squash is very tender. Let cool. 

While the squash bakes, add avocado, basil, chives, garlic, pine nuts and lemon juice to  blender until smooth. You may want to add some hot water if there is not enough liquid but sauce should be a thick alfredo type consistency. 

After the squash has cooled slightly, rake out the insides with a fork into a bowl. Add garbanzo beans and avocado sauce. Stir to mix well. Top with fresh basil and chives. 

 

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Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - ‘Blue Moon Cupcakes’ by Jamie Brunton

One of my biggest pet peeves about living in Los Angeles is people and their crazy food issues.

Like if I have to hear about all your food allergies or your super-complicated-no-carb diet one more time I’m gonna punch you in the face, seriously. I mean, I understand that we all moved to Los Angeles because we thought we were special. I get it. But your food restrictions are not the same thing as a personality. Those are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

For instance: If it takes you 15 minutes to order a cup of coffee because you cannot have dairy or caffeine or sugar or foam; you can’t have coffee! It’s just not in the cards for you. Move on and stop torturing people!!!

And if you can’t eat wheat or cheese or chicken or peanuts… you should kill yourself. Because there is nothing left for you to eat. Either that or you should be terrified… because you are dying. Your body is shutting down. Goodbye.

I hate it.

However, in a bizarre twist of fate and because life has this cute way of making an asshole outta you, I ended up in the emergency room last week and am subsequently on the following diet:

No diary

No caffeine

No alcohol

No sugar

No wheat

No red meat

No soy 

I am officially my own worst nightmare.

Basically I cannot make or eat the following recipe right now but holy s*** it looks sooo good. Are you ready for this? Little blue moon cupcakes. The cakes have a nice subtle citrus and wheat taste and the frosting is light and fluffy like the foam on a beer (swoon). Please make these. For me. Honestly I’ve been living on soda water and self-pity for the past 5 days and my only reprieve is the knowledge that good food is still out there. And the glimmer of hope that this diet is gonna make me really really really skinny.

Blue Moon Cupcakes

(psst… you can also just add orange zest and beer to yellow cake mix. Just make sure the mix calls for butter not oil so it doesn’t get too runny)

3/4 c unsalted butter, softened

1 3/4 c sugar

2 1/2 c flour

2 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3 eggs, room temperature

1 tsp vanilla

2 drops red food coloring

10 drops yellow food coloring

1/2 tsp orange zest

1 c Blue Moon beer

1/4 c milk

Frothy White Frosting [recipe follows]

small orange slices, for garnish 

Line cupcake trays with liners. In a medium bowl, mix together flour, baking powder and salt. 

In a separate bowl, beat butter on medium speed for 30 seconds adding sugar a little bit at a time. Once all the sugar is added beat for 2 more minutes. Add eggs to this wet mixture, beating after each egg is added. Then add vanilla, food coloring and orange zest to wet mixture and beat. 

Mix beer and milk in a measuring cup. Slowly add beer mixture and flour mixture to the wet mixture in the large bowl, beating after each addition.  

Fill cupcake liners 2/3 full. Bake for 18 minutes at 375 degrees F or until cupcakes are golden and a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Once cool, frost each cupcake with a generous amount of frosting. Just before serving, garnish each with a small orange slice. 

Frothy White Frosting

2 egg whites, room temperature

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 tbsp orange juice

1 c sugar

1/4 tsp cream of tartar

1/3 c water 

In a saucepan, mix sugar, water and cream of tartar. Cook on medium heat until sugar is dissolved and mixture starts to bubble. 
In a large bowl, beat egg whites, vanilla and orange juice until soft peaks form. Slowly add hot sugar mixture, beating continuously. Beat for 7 minutes until stiff peaks form.

Correction:  As mentioned, unfortunately I wasn’t able to make the Blue Moon Cupcakes this week and therefore couldn’t take any photos. At any rate, I was a big jerk and totally should’ve credited the lady that posted this recipe and took the awesome picture. Check her out here! http://www.missmake.com/2011/08/blue-moon-cupcakes.html She has great yummy stuff!

And MAKE THESE. They look amazing!

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Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - ‘Butt Cakes’ by Jamie Brunton(September 7th, 2011)

A gentleman just came by our office to drop off some Bundt cake samples. As he talked about his new bakery and how delicious his cakes were and how fresh and blahblablah - he farted. Very loudly. He then excused himself, leaving me his whole box of fart cakes. 

I had a recipe prepared this week but frankly I am a little grossed out right now.  

Order-in tonight, you deserve it. 

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Childhood is funny. As you get older you realize there are all these things that you either misunderstood or were just plain lied to about. Like I remember watching an Indigo Girls interview on VH1 when I was about 10 years old and, having never seen a lesbian before, asked my mom why they acted and looked the way they did. My mom – not wanting to go into it – was like, “Oh, well they are just really poor.”

Needless to say, that was extremely confusing for a very long time.

So in honor of the Indigo Girls, this week I wanted to make a meal that even they could afford, Sesame Beef Udon Salad. YUM! This is a quick and easy recipe with just a few simple ingredients, just right for a weekday meal on the cheap. Also it is super good, you guys. Like it tastes expensive – like straight people expensive.

Sesame Beef Udon Salad

Serves 4

1 whole Sirloin Steak, 3/4 To 1 Pound

Kosher Salt to taste

3/4 cups Ponzu or Regular Soy Sauce

3 Tablespoons Pure Sesame Oil

2 Tablespoons Olive Oil

2 Tablespoons Rice Wine Vinegar

1 teaspoon Hot Chili Oil

3 cloves Garlic, Peeled and Minced Finely

3 teaspoons Minced Fresh Ginger

2 Tablespoons Packed Brown Sugar

1/2 cup Sliced Green Onion

8 ounces, weight Udon Noodles (or spaghetti)

Cilantro Leaves

Fresh lime, cut into wedges 

Season both sides of the steak with salt and grill on an outdoor grill or indoor grill pan until medium rare. Remove from heat and set aside.

In a bowl, add ponzu (or soy), sesame oil, olive oil, rice wine vinegar, hot chili oil, garlic, ginger, and brown sugar. Mix to combine, then taste to adjust the seasoning.

When steak is room temperature, place in a large plastic baggie. Add 3 tablespoons of dressing then seal the bag tightly and place in fridge until needed.

Cook pasta according to package directions. Drain and place in a bowl. Pour remaining the dressing over the pasta and mix to combine evenly. Finally, add green onions. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least a couple of hours or until cool.

To serve, remove steak from baggie and slice against the grain into thin slices. Top with plenty of cilantro leaves, and toss to combine. Serve strips of beef over noodles and top with a squeeze of fresh lime.