Say Something Funny...B*tch

You heard me. - Janny 6, 2012

When I was a senior in high school, I took AP Psych.  Our teacher was Ms. Scheuyer; she was cool.  She drove a really nice Volvo station wagon even though she wasn’t married, which was kinda baller, actually.  She had a mastiff, a raspy voice and some fiancée who got her a gorgeous ring.  And she was definitely a stoner.  I didn’t know that then, but looking back, it’s very clear.  Anyway.  We were discussing control centers of the brain and how we think is able to control how we feel.  Blah, blah, blah.  And we were talking about being in a bad mood and how to mentally get ourselves into a better mood, emotionally.  Some people listen to music, some people play sports, annoying, I said I just decide I’m not upset anymore, I take a deep breath, move on and thennnnn…I’m not upset anymore.  Everyone just stared at me, confused.  (It was like that time in middle school where I suggested one could overdose on marijuana because I was fucking 12-years-old and I didn’t know that you can smoke as much dope as you want and live straight through it.  True story.)  Ms. Scheuyer diplomatically told me that’s possible I can do that, but unlikely and more complicated.  To me it wasn’t.  I love to decide.  I love knowing that with the simplest decision, I can change anything, any time I want.  From my mind, to my clothes.  I may not be able to change your mind, but we all know it’s best to work on ourselves before others.  So, let’s get to work. 

2012:  The Year of the Decision.  I owe this to my FB-met-once-in-life friend Sunnie.  Sunnie loves a good quote, a glass-half-full perspective, a picture of a sunset or a nod to a good girlfriend…you name it, that shit is all up and down that Bitch’s Wall all day long.  You heard me.  As such, I get my daily dose of positivity the second I wake up in the morning because Sunnie has already posted a picture of the sunrise, her inspirational quote and checked in at the gym.  And a few months ago at 7 a.m., I was met with a Tony Robins quote.  And let me stop you right there:  I’m not an overall fan of Tony Robbins, calm down.  But the quote stopped me cold, because it’s something I say all of the time, but he says it, too, and not only did I feel validated, it gives what I’m about to tell you a bit more street cred.  I mean, it’s Tony Robbins.  Okay, sit down for this, because once the cat’s out the damn bag, our objective for 2012 is in full effect, and it will require vigilance.  Understand?  And I quote: 

Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant. 

Are we clear?  You are done, done, done not deciding to move forward with your life.  You do not have to go climb a mountain; I hate hiking.  But you do have to decide that today is the day you are going to open a savings account with $10 dollars because adults have savings accounts.  You are going to decide that today is the day you are going to paint your living room because you’ve hated it for 4 years and it makes you miserable every time you walk in the door.  You are going to decide to stop borrowing trouble and drama and not return texts and calls from men and other people who only text and/or call when they want something—and this just in, it’s never something positive, beneficial or profitable; you know this.  You are going to decide that ain’t no body else gonna give a shit if you don’t seem to give a shit.  You always talk trash about yourself, people are gonna treat you like trash.  You’re gonna decide that it’s easier to get through the day if you start liking yourself a little more.  And you’re gonna decide that you like yourself a whole more when you’re kind to other people, so you’re gonna decide to be more patient and you’re going to remember every single time you’re tested that you are in control of deciding how you react to the situation, and that gives you say in the outcome.  And you know why you’re gonna do this?, because once you start, you can’t stop.  Start small by making good choices.  But choices aren’t decisions.  Choices are preferences, and decisions produce results.  We’re looking for results here, people…forward movement.  You ain’t gotta go real fast, but you’ve gotta move.  Take your feelings with you.  Feel them.  Puke ‘em out all over the damn place, but you need to be moving right along—facing each day with a new start and a clean slate, and eventually, you’ll see it’s too much to carry all that bullshit around all the time, and you will make the decision to let it go, forgive, release, move on, cease and desist, whatever….  You’ll feel the weight lift.  You will literally feel it.  You will walk into your newly painted room and your posture will be different.  You won’t go to bed feeling like shit every night because he didn’t text you back, because you made the decision to delete his number so you weren’t even tempted to keep making the same mistake you know is a mistake.  You’ll look in the mirror before you leave the house in the morning and tell yourself you don’t look half bad because you know it’s true, and you’ve decided to give yourself a fighting chance at not hating 2012 before it even gets started.  Let’s rally this year.  It will rarely feel like the right time for anything, and something better will most certainly come along, but waiting isn’t a strategy and indecision isn’t an option.  Let’s change some shit, let’s make some decisions.  They don’t have to be the right decisions, but you’ll never figure out the right one if you don’t try any one, you know? 

Ooooh, okay, so that’s it I think.  I mean, I’ve been outta commish for almost a month.  It’s been like a dreamy vacaish, I’ve gotta be honest with you.  As such, I’ve reached a decision:  You and me, we’ll have a chat every other week.  I’ve got, like, a little bit of a life now, and I’m not leaving you behind, but, like we learned in 2011: The Year of Personal Growth, a behavior needs to change once proven it’s not doing you any favors; and being all cooped up in Bungalow Ruppe and shit is now a rare luxury and I’d not like to spend it in the hell and brimstone that is procrastinatory writer’s block.  Ya herrd?  Alright, y’all, go make good choices; Mama loves you.  I mean that.  Ugh, even that one fuckin’ guy.  And I really do want you to decide it’s time to cut yourself a break.  You have that power. 

Start there and now.