Say Something Funny...B*tch

So…..recently folks…I changed jobs.  Hallelujah!! Thank the Lord!!  Granted….I’m still working with the general public, however, this time…I don’t have to serve them food.  Big step up.  BIG step.  I now work in a clothing store.  Which…I must say…has some magnificent perks…like big, fat discounts on more clothes that I don’t need but must have.  Think the hubs is happy about that sh*t…not on your life..but guess what…if he wants me to be the trophy wife that I aspire to be…I needs me some new duds!

As I was saying…retail.  It’s a bit of a Bermuda Triangle.  You can easily lose yourself in the clothes, the shopping, the folding, the markdowns…don’t let it happen.  Don’t be the Amelia Earhart of the customer service biz.  Most of us are looking for a new job, looking to change jobs, needing a change of pace.  Well, if you’re thinking about working at a clothing store…let me give you a few things to think about to help you make this decision; a few things I’ve learned in my extensive two weeks.

It’s BORING-  People, on the average, don’t really shop a ton at small, over priced clothing stores.  Be prepared to sit on your *ss, Swiffer the sh*t out of the floor, talk about the insanely mundane with your co workers who are 10 years younger than you, or try to fit your forearm into the legs of a double zero pair of jeans.

The Crazies – There are people that ‘shop’ (walk the mall and enter store to store without a single purchase) because they are lonely.  I use the term, crazies, very lightly.  These people are harmless and ultimately lovely.  But steel yourself to them.  They have some bizarre stories that you might be caught off guard by (like telling you their best friend died a month prior by falling and hitting their head and that they’ve just spent all day crying with their best friend’s daughter…yep…it happened)  These folks, as sweet as they seem, can turn on a dime.  Same guest as above came in to the store a few weeks prior and ranted, incredibly loudly, that the maintenance workers in the mall don’t speak English and shouldn’t have jobs.  Yea…I say it with a heavy heart but….CRAZY!

The fitting room – I will admit, at least 50% of the people conduct themselves in an appropriate manner in the fitting rooms.  The other 50%…here are some tips motherf*ckers:

-If you are going to try on jeans…wear some underwear!!  What is wrong with you??  Women….barf..and you know why that’s barf.  Men…when you don’t wear underwear and you come out of the dressing room in your jeans….I can see it…yep…IT…I can see it..and most times it’s gross..other times..Thank you.

-You’re not 5 anymore and your mom isn’t going to clean up your clothes!! I’m not saying that you have to hang everything up back on the sales floor but for the love of all things holy…keep it freakin orderly!!

-I don’t work on commission..so..I’m not a car salesman…but I do expect that if you take 30 things in the dressing room with you…you’re going to buy more than a tank top.  If you’re not…don’t come in to my f*cking store. 

Alright my darlings.  I’ve said my peace.  If you still choose venture into that great chasm of sales..so be it.  Go cautiously and wear something cute.