Say Something Funny...B*tch

Tuesday Meditations: ‘My Mom Runs My Life’ by Rebecca Leib

Not literally, idiots.  She controls my online personae outside of SSFB. And just to prove her vast and ultimate power,  I give you the Ok Cupid profile she set up for me in order to hook me a MAN. 

Now, most of you know that I’m AMAZING in bed and generally everywhere else, and definitely don’t need a man to make me happy or define my life (unless it’s you, Michael Stagliano. Define me. DEFINE ME).  But- I thought- my mom’s retired. She’s probably bored.  So fuck- let her have her fun when she gets bored of Perry Mason or her crossword iPad app.

The link to the full  profile is here:  http://www.okcupid.com/profile/AccordingtoMom.

But if you feel to lazy to click on something,  here it is:

My Details  

Last OnlineOnline now!Ethnicity—Height—Body Type—Diet—Smokes—Drinks—DrugsNeverReligion—Sign—Education—Job—Income—Children—Pets—SpeaksEnglish

My self-summaryI am the mother of an incredibly cute and incredibly talented daughter who is 27, single, straight and lives in Los Angeles,California. What I’m doing with my lifeMy daughter is a writer hoping to make some big money someday! I’m really good atMy daughter is really good at writing and comedy. She has done stand up and comedy sports and Second City. She is also really good at drawing and painting. I always thought she could make a fortune painting murals in peoples homes. Who wouldn’t want an original wall mural in their house! The first things people usually notice about meThe first thing people notice about my daughter is how cute and clever she is! I guess years of doing improvisation work really makes you pretty funny! Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and foodMy daughters favorites: Favorite book and movie-Lolita, Music-used to be Beatles not sure what now. Food-indian, chinese, thai The six things I could never do withoutThe six things my daughter could not do without: (not in any particular order) her cat, her friends, her car, her phone, bread, water. I spend a lot of time thinking aboutMy daughter must spend a lot of time thinking about what to write about. She is always looking for good ideas for pilots and comedy skits. On a typical Friday night I amI am sure on a typical Friday night my daughter is either working at a comedy club or theatre or out at a bar! The most private thing I’m willing to admitI think that the most private thing my daughter is willing to admit is that she is really a mid-western girl at heart! I’m looking for

• Guys who like girls
• Ages 22-35
• Located anywhere
• Who are single
• For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

You should message me if If you like cats, dogs, travel, autumn, eating and doing fun things and have any questions about my daughter, message me!


Naturally, she only filled out half and had a ton of difficulty with uploading photos.  But- she’s getting the hang of it.  Please, feel free to chat her up if you see her online, though instant messaging still flummoxes her. 

Love you, Mom!  And, you’re welcome GENTLEMEN.

Rebecca

*This article first appeared on SSFB on September 20th, 2011.  It is being run again because of its high relevance for Valentine’s Day…and all of our needs for love.   (From the Editor)