‘The Male Bag’ by Colin Hughes

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‘The Male Bag’ by Colin Hughes

Today marks the day of the new (and only) man on SSFB campus. You have wrote in, often and vigorously, and Colin Hughes has answered.

Ladies and B*tches….

QUESTION #1: WHY THE F*CK WON’T CJ ASK ME OUT?

ANSWER:

First of all I don’t know CJ and despite the overwhelming back story that you have painted for me I’m going to be forced to fill in some of what’s going on here with broad generalities. So apply whichever advice-salve feels best.

My first guess is that he’s a dummy. It’s not a stretch when it comes to guys, our brains are very complex yet still akin to computers in the 90’s where running two programs at the same time causes severe slow down and often malfunctions. So being blunt is always a good choice when dealing with guys.

Men have invented the term the “friend zone,” which we say is a place women get to once we have become good enough friends with them. In truth it’s all fictionalized because there was never any window in time when the woman actually had feelings for the man. That magical window was created in the man’s mind after the woman said something like; “oh, we’re too good of friends, I wouldn’t want to ruin that.” It’s a nice way to let him down but left to dwell alone in a man’s mind he begins to think; “if only I had done this before we became good friends.”

While not a real thing, the “friend zone,” as a concept is believed by many dummy men. CJ may believe that he is in your “friend zone.” If that is the case meet up with him for drinks or make him go to dinner with you. Unlike normal though, you have to make it a date, instead of; “let’s meet at the bar,” you say; “let’s have drinks tonight, pick me up at 9. Dress nice. Flowers wouldn’t kill you.”

Honestly. Please say that. The entire world will be better off if you do.

If there is one thing that is universal in all men it’s that they have penises, otherwise they are not men. If there is a second thing it would probably be that men appreciate straight forwardness. So ask him out!

My fiancee handed me her phone number at a bar on Valentine’s Day. She had to stumble, literally tripping on a step, to the the back patio to hand me a little slip of paper. Why didn’t I just ask her for her number? Despite our genitalia being a synonym for courage many of us are cowards, myself included. Be like my fiancee, and ask him out!!

Originally your question was “why won’t CJ ask me out?” though, and to answer that bluntly and directly it’s probably because he doesn’t know he supposed to. Or he doesn’t like you, which isn’t likely, men like women, it’s what we do.

Good Luck! Tell CJ I say hi.

- Colin Hughes