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1 Day, 5 Jokes Daily Recap: Thursday, October 31, 2013 by Laura Mannino

Too busy giving candy corn another chance to keep up with news?  Fear not, here’s today in five jokes:

Today is the only day we care about seeing pictures of your kid on Facebook. 

The FAA will now allow airline passengers to use electronic devices throughout an entire flight which is like parents now letting their 30-year- old daughter’s boyfriend sleep in the same room with her during Thanksgiving. 

CNN reported today that rural areas have fewer Obamacare health insurance options.  If there’s any place that could use insurance the most, it’s where the combination Taco Bell/Pizza Hut is considered “downtown.”

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Snowden gets an unnamed website job. Obama stares at the broken health care website, clenches his fists and through gritted teeth mutters “Snowden!”

Boston saw two milestones last night: The Red Sox won their third World Series title in nine years and the city’s 500th Kevin Papi Murphy was conceived.  

Parenting Advice from Someone Who Didn’t Think She Would Have Kids- ‘Family Costuming’ by Alisha Gaddis

When you have kids- everything about Halloween changes.  Say goodbye to slutty pirate costumes and hello to family costuming!

And guess what- the latter is better than the former!!

Family costuming- a retrospective…

Read now!

http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/alishagaddis

Laura Mannino Did Not Leave the Couch on Halloween

I hope you had a great Halloween!  Not to piss on your candy corn, but I’m not really a Halloween gal.   When I tell people who love Halloween that I’m not really into the holiday, it’s as if I told them I hate puppies and the Chilean miners.  When you announce that you hate Thanksgiving or Christmas,  you get “I’m fighting against society’s gluttony and consumerism” street cred.  When you don’t like Halloween, you’re just not fun.  

I like the idea of Halloween. Trick or treating kids in tiny, fuzzy costumes, adorable.  Conceptual adult costumes, impressive.  Gay men on parade, anything to piss off Carl Paladino.  I don’t like Halloween because I can’t handle the pressure of thinking and executing a clever costume and then standing around in that clever, uncomfortable costume for hours at a party.  I spend most of my days in Spanx and heels and most of my nights standing alone, trying to get a laugh out of another comedian’s gaggle of cousins from Temecula  Halloween is my night off.  I much rather stress over defrosting, brining and  cooking a turkey, going broke decorating a dead tree, madly cleaning and cooking for a Christmas party, and getting carpel tunnel from writing out holidays cards to the nice girl at the Coffee Bean or the guy I met at the thing.   If you’re not planning on hot gluing imported strands of silk into a Jusitn Bieber wig next Halloween, here are some ideas on how to spend your time:

1-Start planning that Thanksgiving centerpiece.  Calculate your Gourd : Actual dishes of food ratio. 
2-Start planning your Christmas theme.  Will your house be covered in Santas?  Reindeer?  Credit card receipts?
3-Drink a bottle of wine while staring at premium cable Sunday night programming and wonder where the year yet.  Count the bottles of wine you drank and the hours you spent watching premium cable Sunday night programming, and you’ll begin to piece the year together.
4-Get excited for “leftover pumpkin pie for breakfast” season.
5-Draft a list of lies to include in your Christmas letter since you spent most of the year drinking wine and watching HBO.

PS - Alisha thought of one of my favorite costume ideas, a Sexy Hoarder. I Google-imaged “sexy hoarder” and this is what I got:


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