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Red Wine, Cats & Recipes: It’s now a show, you guys!!!!

Say Something Funny B*tch! has teamed with the incredibly talented duo, Hasalyn Modine and Logan Modine (http://aloneinaforest.com/red-wine-cats-recipes-volume-i/) to create the very first episode of Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - THE SHOW!!!

I couldn’t be more excited and I hope you all enjoy watching as much as we enjoyed making. Now watch this - now! Right now!

Ahi Tuna Salad with Avocado and Grapefruit

1 pound fresh ahi tuna
4 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 1/2 limes zested and juiced
1 sectioned grapefruit
1 chopped jalapeno with seeds
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
1 teaspoon wasabi paste
2 teaspoons soy sauce
1-2 ripe avocados
1/4 cup red onions, chopped 

Brush the tuna with olive oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Place the tuna steaks in a very hot saute pan and cook for 1 minute on each side. Set aside on a platter.

Meanwhile, in a bowl, combine the avocados, lime zest, lime juice, and jalapenos.  Dress with a mixture of remaining olive oil, wasabi and soy sauce.

Cut the tuna in chunks and place in bowl. Finally add the cilantro, grapefruit, red onion and your salt and pepper. Carefully mix.

Celebrate your lady!

FYI:  The Vibrator was the 5th household appliance to be electrified, after the fan, tea kettle, sewing machines and fan. 

Sisters have ALWAYS been doing it for themselves! 

B*tches being funny.

Alisha and Renee: An Evening of Shock and Awe

Comedy Central Stage.

Two B*tches doing it up.

Comedy Central Stage.

July 10th, 8pm.

Free.

What’s not to love?!

SSFB B*tches doing more dope things.

Like starting a card line.

Together. 

You should go. 

"Evolving Backwards?" by Alisha Gaddis

Could you tell the difference in a line-up?

Cavemen

Hipster

Caveman

Hipster

Cavemen

Matisyahu

If you plan on releasing butterflies at your wedding - choose Monarchs. They are classy.

Wedding Dreams “Do’s and Don’ts”- by Founder Alisha Gaddis

Founder Alisha Gaddis is getting married.   In a little over two months. 

Yep- It is a fact. 

She has a few hopes and dreams for her upcoming nuptials. Tune in each week to see what she most desires and help her dreams come true.


You guys- I watch TV.  I know that all my wedding hopes and fantasies are about to come true.  David Tutera is probably going to knock on my door and make my day into a showstopping glamourous fiesta extravaganza!  (I say fiesta because my fiance is Hispanic, and I respect his culture.)

(David Tutera)

(fiesta)

I also watch Four Wedding, Bridezilla, and Platinum Weddings

I take notes on the do’s and don’ts of wedding etiquette. (Boy are there A LOT of them!) What is expected of me (besides being fabulous). And what is expected of everyone else- besides treating me fabulously. 

Here is just some of the awesome info I have gleaned. 

Wedding Do’s

1.  This is the bride’s day.  Everyone act accordingly.

2.  If you plan on releasing butterflies - choose Monarchs. They are classy.

3.  Hire belly dancers for the reception.  This too is classy.  

4.  Take pictures of your shoes with the wedding rings on the heel or gently placed on the inside sole. This is a must.

5. If making a reception grand entrance- use fist pumping, and if the venue allows- fireworks. 

(this venue obviously did not allow fireworks)

6. Choose a wedding cake that says, “This is us.” 

DON’Ts

1.  Be a momzilla.  I repeat- this is the bride’s day.  Everyone act accordingly. 

2.  Don’t release butterflies. They die sometimes.  And that is NOT classy. 

3.  Don’t have a nip slip. 

(Picture has been removed by me, because I am classy)

4.  Don’t give up your dream of arriving to your wedding on an elephant just because everyone says that they don’t have elephants for hire in Indiana.  And if they DID, they would be really expensive and unrealistic, and where would you keep it?  What if it has to poop when you are on it?  Don’t they smell?  Why don’t you just get a nice Hummer limo instead? 

Don’t give up your elephant dreams!

Guys- go forth and accomplish your wedding wants! There are just around the corner. 

I sure am! 

Also, I still want everything on my registry. 

And world peace- I would like some of that too.

And after seeing this picture, maybe a dove release too..

Islands is a tiki hut explosion for Suburbanites and Midwest transplants. It is where the dreams of a Hawaiian vacation and leaving your 9-5 come to die.

http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/17387021889/parenting-advice-from-someone-who-didnt-think-she

Parenting Advice from Someone Who Didn’t Think She Would Have Kids- ‘You are a Rock. You are an Island.’ by Alisha Gaddis

This conversation took place with my future stepdaughter at Islands- the Restaurant.  Fine Burgers and Drinks.

If you don’t know what Islands is- you probably don’t live in California, Arizona or Nevada.   This slice of tropical paradise only exists in this trifecta of key states. 

Islands is a tiki hut explosion for Suburbanites and Midwest transplants.  Fake toucans hanging from the rafters, inside surf shacks, fish tacos and Tommy Bahama shirts to boot!  It is where the dreams of a Hawaiian vacation and leaving your 9-5 come to  die.

This is where we went to dinner. 

My future stepdaughter had won a “Good Behavior Award.” It was presented to her by THE PRINCIPAL (I use all caps because THE PRINCIPAL is a big deal when you are in second grade).  She has no idea what she did or how it came to be.  But, I can honestly say I have never seen her so excited.  Which makes me excited.  I took A LOT of photos. This awesome honor came with a Pineapple Power gift certificate- good for one free kid’s meal at- you guessed it- Islands.  A perfect marketing ploy if you ask me. Kids dinners run for about $5.00- but when the whole family comes in to eat, drink and be merry- Islands has nailed it for with a big ticket bill.  Gotta give it to ‘em!

So- I was enjoying my Aloha burger and started off the dinner convo:

Me: “What other awesome thing did you do at school today?”

FSD: “Almost beat a third grader at tetherball.”

Me: “Wow.  Awesome!”

FSD: “She was in a cast though.”

Me: “Don’t worry.  That counts.”

FSD: ” And in art class we are copy paintings of other artists.”

Me: ” That sounds exciting.  Whose painting are you currently replicating?”  (And yes- this is how I speak to her.  Gotta culture her up!)

FSD: “Someone who uses lines.  Lots of lines.  And colors.  Little bits of colors.”

Me: “Do you remember his or her name?”

FSD: “I can’t”

Me: “What does the particular painting you are working on look like?”

FSD: “A horse.”

Me: “Kandinsky.  You are definitely replicating Kandinsky.”

FSD: “That’s it!!!”

Me: (disbelief) “Really?!”  (Grabs iphone and Googles ‘Kandinsky Horse.’ Up pops a picture of Kandinsky’s Horse.  Shows FSD)  “Is this the painting?”

FSD: “YES!!!  How did you know?!?!”

Me: “Because I studied art history, and I know everything. I will always know if you are telling the truth and if you lie.  I will also know if you ever smoke.  Don’t smoke or use drugs.  I will know.  And your hair won’t grow anymore.  These are all facts.”

FSD: “…….wow.  You are a genius…….”

Me: Smiles knowingly.

FSD: I love this place.”

Me: “Me too.”


Just another successful day of parenting and making sh*t up! 

Valentine’s Day is Swiftly Approaching- do you have a card to speak for you?!

Whether you are in love, hate love, love hating or want a new lover to eventually hate- The Messenger has a card that will say it all for you. 

Check out this awesome new line from some of your funniest favorite b*tches- Kate Ruppert and Alisha Gaddis (with logo design by Rebecca Leib!)

http://themessengercards.com/

Girl #1: ” Kenny G came into CPK and tried to get a better table today.”

Girl #2: “Kenny what?”

http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/16707923883/overheard-at-the-nail-salon-1-by-alisha-gaddis

Alisha Gaddis

'Overheard at the Nail Salon #1' by Alisha Gaddis

So, I go to the nail salon.  Not as much as I used to since Kate Ruppert changed my life and had me switch from regular manicures to gel manicures (They can last perfectly up to 3 weeks.  3 weeks I say!!!)

This is not my real hand, my nails look even better- if that is possible!!!

The nail salon is the perfect place to stare at people that you would never really get to in ‘real life’ for a prolonged period of time without a fight breaking out.  You can also speak as little, or as much as you want (I chose the former, but many chose the latter).  Which leads me to my next point:  people love to talk on their phones or to their friends during this tight, fumey, cramped weird salon experience.   All around you people are screaming about their boyfriend troubles, their car payments, their in-laws annoying gift giving habits- anything and everything. 

I LOVE it.

I love these slices of insight into people’s lives, passions, and hates.  I totally geek out legally eavesdropping on these nuggets of humanity. 

Here is a piece of gold for you- overheard at the nail salon:

Girl #1: ” Kenny G came into CPK and tried to get a better table today.”

Girl #2: “Kenny what?”

Girl #1: “G.  I told him it would be 5 minutes.  He told me he had a million dollars and that I should know who he is.  I don’t know Kenny G.  I was like ‘you don’t look like my mom’s old cd cover.’”

Girl #2: “OMG.  Who has cds!?”

Girl #1: “I know.  I said, ‘If you really are so famous where are the paparazzi?!’”

Girl #2: “Ooooh.  Good one.”

Girl #1:  “He just stormed off.  He was a dick.”

Girl #2: (nods knowingly).

Girl #1: “Can you pass me the green polish with the gold flecks?”

(Girl #2 obliges. Long Silence)

Girl #1: I didn’t know he was Kenny G, but maybe he was.  He was old.  So I guess it makes sense. Maybe I should have gotten his autograph for my mom.”

Girl #2: (nods knowingly).

Girl #1: “Old semi-famous people the WORST!”

Girl #2; (nods super knowingly).

The End. 

Just for Sh*ts and Giggles. 

Go Lily.  And go dancing Zeborah! 

"A woman doing comedy doesn’t offend me but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world."

-Jerry Lewis

"Eat it"

-Meg Swertlow

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