Posts I like

More liked posts

Tag Results

37 posts tagged being mrs jessica

BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE ‘STRANGE EATING AND COOKING HABITS’ by Jessica Glassberg

Hey, remember that time I made mushroom and barley soup at 11 o’clock at night?  Oh, you don’t?  Well, it was last night. 

Why? 

Well, the simple answer is… XBF’s mother and his vegan father arrived this morning and while most of their meals are planned out (eating with my parents, meeting XBF for lunch, etc.), I wanted to cook up something all could enjoy.  Hmm, now that I think about it, that wasn’t such a simple answer… 

So, why was I making this at 11PM on Sunday night? 

See, Saturday was Yom Kippur… the Jewish day of atonement. A day where we don’t eat and get to spend the day thinking about all of the stupid crap we did all year long and hope that G-d will forgive us for doing them and then we say that we’ll try our hardest not to do them again. Amen! 

While the holiday actually does have some happy aspects to it, it’s pretty solemn, so you don’t say “Happy Yom Kippur,” instead, since it’s quite hard not to eat when all you are thinking of is that fact that you can’t eat… you say, “Have an easy fast.” (Easy Fast was also the nickname of many of the girls in my high school.) 

Yes, that is definitely the short short version of the holiday.. but I just wanted to give you an idea of my weekend… because you wanted to know.  I know you did. 

Traditionally, our family breaks the fast with a dairy dinner… bagels and cream cheese (yes… with lox… some stereotypes are stereotypes because they’re true).  

I made a frittata with spinach, goat cheese, salmon, sautéed onions and fresh herbs.  I chopped up two whole onions… I sliced one for those who wanted to top their bagels with a few circles (my dad), and one was chopped for the frittata.  As I put the chopped onions into the pan, I started to realize… that’s a damn lot of onions and kept half of them out of the pan.  It also might have looked like a lot more onions than there actually were since I was looking at them through tear-filled eyes.  Damn you, onions… damn you! 

Then, by evening’s end, I realized, other than a few slices, practically an entire onion remained.  What to do with all of these onions…? MUSHROOM AND BARLEY SOUP!  

After a day of not eating followed by an evening of gorging, I was not in the mood to throw together a soup. I decided I’d make the soup the next day. 

Well, as days too often do… yesterday got away from me… completely. So much so that I unintentionally fasted for the second day in a row (followed by an evening of gorging… this time going for Oktoberfest… sausages and beer with friends… no I didn’t eat the friends.) 

Once we returned from dinner… I remembered… MUSHROOM AND BARLEY SOUP!  

So, there I was, at 11 o’clock last night… soaking barley, chopping veggies and making soup… hopefully the in-laws’ll like it.  We’ll see! 

(NOTICE THE TIME ON THE CLOCK… SOUP’S DONE… TIME FOR BED!) 


 
 
 
 
 
 

 

BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE ‘AIRPLANE GRIME’ by Jessica Glassberg

HELP!!!!  Jessica Glassberg is covered in Airplane Grime….and this may be her swan song!!

Read more!

http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/jessicaglassberg

Don’t feel like reading?  Then LISTEN to Jessica Glassberg weigh in on the age old debate of which is better- NYC or LA.

What do YOU think?

BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE: ‘I’M “B*TCHING” FROM NY’ by Jessica Glassberg

My apologies readers, for this not being a full blog with all the bells and whistles.  Though, now that I think about it, I don’t know that any of my blogs have actually included bells or whistles.  Perhaps dog whistles and we just couldn’t hear them… my apologies to your dogs who might have been listening to my blog recordings.

I’m currently in NY so my time’s limited.  I’m in town for weddings of two high school friends… no, not to each other.  The first is my friend Tara who got married this afternoon.  She looked gorgeous.  He looked handsome.  The families looked happy and XBF and I had a great time!  I might have forced him to dance more than he would have liked.  He’s got moves I tell ya… he’s got moves.  And once we hit the dance floor, I think he had fun.  Plus, any wedding including an intermezzo of a trio of ices is our kinda wedding! 

I took a bunch of pictures, but unfortunately, I don’t have my cord here, so this pic of the happy couple is from one of Tara’s friends… (I stole it from her Facebook page.)  That bit of pink on the right side is my dress, and that’s my hand taking a picture… “HI ME!”

And next weekend is my friend Jeff’s wedding…  he is one of the few people where I will be able to say I’ve been to your Bar Mitzvah and your wedding…   Hopefully we all look better now sans braces and bad perms (me, not him… though him with a perm would have been quite a sight.) 

XBF’s heading back to LA not so bright and way too early tomorow morning and I’ll be spending the week in between nuptials bouncing around the city… should be an adventure.

If you happen to be in town, I’ll be performing at Dangerfield’s on Tuesday and The Comic Strip on Wednesday…

Here’s the info:

TUESDAY JUNE 28th

8:45PM show (goes until 11-ish - I’ll be on the end of the show)
DANGERFIELD’S
1118 1st Avenue
1st and 61st
RESERVATIONS REQUIRED
For reservations:212-593-1650

For free cover:
http://www.dangerfields.com/FreeCoverTicketsPage.html

___________________________________________

WEDNESDAY JUNE 29th
10PM (there’s a show at 8:30, I was told to come by at 10pm
THE COMIC STRIP LIVE
1568 Second Ave.
(btwn 81st & 82nd St)
RESERVATIONS REQUIRED
For reservations: 212-861-9386
Cover $20/$25

BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE: ‘SILVER SCREEN SUMMER – THE SEQUEL’ by Jessica Glassberg

Okay, so in my last article I discussed “Bridesmaids,” (Yay!), “The Hangover: Part II” (Nay) and “Super 8” (Yay Yay!) 

Well, this weekend, XBF and I had our own movie marathon.  Friday night, after making some dinner (mustard, garlic and soy sauce marinated salmon and green beans topped with a low-cal cheese sauce that I made up… let me know if you want the recipe… it came out pretty tasty) and we headed to the Arclight in Sherman Oaks to see “Beginners.”   

Now, I hate when people give a movie review and end up ruining the movie… so, all I want to say is…  I loved it.  Ewan McGregor and Christopher Plummer gave outstanding performances and while I didn’t cry too much during the movie… once the credits rolled, I was bawling.  Now, you may be wondering… Was there anything emotional about said credits?  Was someone killing babies?  Or killing animals?  Or killing baby animals?  No, they were just regular credits, but the emotion that swelled within me throughout the movie, came out in a blotchy, red-faced stream of emotion.  I was not a pretty sight. 

Needing to decompress, XBF and I tried to sneak into “Kung Fu Panda 2.”  Hmm, that’s not exactly true.  I tried to sneak into “Kung Fu Panda 2,” and XBF, at a loss for where to go, followed me in, looking as conspicuous as ever.  The previews were just starting and as we looked at the chairs in the theater we noticed they were all empty.  Knowing we were at the Arclight, a theater where you pre-select your seats, we quickly realized that should we sit in a theater where no seats were purchased, we would surely be discovered and we therefore quickly left the theater. 

I walked towards the validation machine… mostly in the hopes that a voice within the contraption would actually tell me I’m wonderful, I don’t look like a monster when I cry and that I’m a pretty good writer and not to give up on my dreams just yet.  Acknowledging that the validation machine only distributed parking verification stamps and not words of encouragement, I continued walking towards theater 4 where “Midnight in Paris” was playing AT MIDNIGHT!  How perfect? 

It took XBF a few moments, a few awkward glances around and some fidgeting to finally be on board with the plan to make this a double feature evening.   

Again, not wanting to spoil anything about the movie… I really liked it.  Not being a huge Owen Wilson lover… he did a great job stepping into Woody Allen’s now-too-old-to-play-the-young-love-interest place in the film.  And as Adrien Brody said in the movie, “I see a… rhinoceros.”  If you haven’t seen the movie, fear not, I gave nothing away, and you are probably just feeling a little confused.  However, if you’ve seen the movie, this should have made you laugh. You’re welcome.   

Saturday night, we tried for a just a single feature, we didn’t want to get too greedy.  We went out with friends to see, “X-Men First Class.”  I fear it might have been built up too much for me.  Every person I talked to who had seen it, threw around words like, “loved” and “amazing,” so my expectations were that I too would love it and find it amazing.   

Instead, I liked it and found it enjoyable.  It was a great origins story.  However, some of the dialogue made me want to laugh when it was not appropriate to do so.  Sure, Kevin Bacon was a great (as XBF described him) charming villain.  James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender were fantastic.  However, Jennifer Lawrence and January Jones were nothing special.  Yes, January Jones is fun to look at… in human and diamond form, however the ladies were just “off.”  Maybe Jennifer was constricted physically with her Mystique make-up on and it manifested itself emotionally.  And maybe Ashton Kutcher was onto something back in 2000 telling his then girlfriend, Ms. Jones, to give up acting. 

I would definitely recommend all of these movies… I’d probably give “Beginners” an A “Midnight in Paris” I’d give an A- and “X-Men First Class” I’d give a B+.  But if you’re looking for a feel-good movie… I guess I’d say, “Midnight in Paris.”  It was an inspiring movie about what inspires us.  Basically, I hope this blog inspires you to watch the movie, which will in turn inspire you to be inspired.  How’s that for inspiration? 
 
 
 
 You can see the real -life JESSICA GLASSBERG at ‘The C Word Show’ at the Comedy Store in the Belly Room TONIGHT at 8pm.  Go.  She is hilarious.  Period. 
 
 
 
 

No time?  Not a reader?….LISTEN to  BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE: ‘SILVER SCREEN SUMMER’ by Jessica Glassberg!!!

BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE: ‘SILVER SCREEN SUMMER’ by Jessica Glassberg

Well the summer blockbusters are upon us.  Yes, I realize that the summer solstice does not occur until June 21st, however the summer blockbusters have already been coming to a theater near me.  And XBF and I do enjoy a good date night at the movies… yes, we’re THAT couple.  We have date nights.  And with the price of movies these days, we want the flick to be worth our time and our moola.

The summer blockbusters have already had their ups and downs… “Bridesmaids”… way up.   No, not just because I’m a woman… HOW DARE YOU!  It’s a hilarious movie that HAPPENS to have women starring in it.  I loved it!  XBF loved it!  And my parents loved it!  If “Bridesmaids” is a “Chick Flick” then in the world of broad generalizations EVERYONE loves it! 

“The Hangover,” however is DOWN.  I definitely enjoyed the first one… I suppose, though I am estrogen filled, I like, “GUY HUMOR.”  Trust me, girls get wasted and act like idiots just as much as guys do.  But The Hangover Part II… oy.  I didn’t mind that it had the exact same formula as the first one.  I didn’t object to any of the cringe worthy moments.  My biggest problem with it?  It just wasn’t funny.   

As a writer, yes, I can be a bit critical of a movie’s ability to have good dramatic writing.

However, when I see a comedy, I can overlook it if the story isn’t completely cohesive, I don’t even need the characters to be fully developed.  But I need, nay, I DEMAND that my comedies be funny. 

Probably the only other “blockbuster” I’ve seen so far, has been “Thor.”  And I Thor-oughly enjoyed it.  Thor-oughly… oh yes I did.  It was fun, action packed and entertaining.  Sure, maybe I’ve always had a special place in my heart for Thor due to “Adventures in Babysitting,” (you’d get that if you’d seen that Elisabeth Shue masterpiece) but “Thor” really was a great time at the movies. 

So, last night, XBF and I were faced with the question… what do we want to see?  Do we want to steer clear of the blockbusters completely and see “Beginners” or “Midnight in Paris?”  I definitely want to see both of these.  Ever since I saw the first preview for “Beginners,”  I may have said aloud in the theater, “That looks fantastic!”  Hmm, what to see… what to see?  It’s looking like we’re going to see “X-Men: First Class” next weekend, so that was out.  And I truly had no desire to see another poorly reviewed “Pirates of the Caribbean.” 

After deciding that we should see action packed films on the big screen and that we could wait on the more independent flicks, we decided to go with, “Super 8.”  And it was SUPER GREAT.  Heartwarming.  Check.  Great action.  Check.  Realistic special effects.  Check.  Funny.  Check.  Adorable teenage kid who made my heart melt.  Check check check. 

XBF and I enjoyed our home popped popcorn… (again, yes, we’re THAT couple)… and enjoyed a date night well spent.

BEING MRS. JESSICA: THE WIFE LIFE- ‘NERDTASTIC’ by Jessica Glassberg

Saturday night, I took XBF to the Hollywood Bowl to see Star Wars in concert.  I knew from the get-go what kind of nerdtastic evening I was in for.  Were there themed video compilations set to a variety of Star Wars compositions?  You bet.  And it was spectacular.  Was Anthony Daniels there to narrate each segment and take us on the Star Wars Tour?  He sure was… in all his C-3PO glory!  

There were costumed fan-boys… some were even there with their light-saber wielding kids. And  I was as surprised as you were… to discover that that many fanboys actually had sex. 

Then there were the lasers.  Green lasers.  Everywhere.  You would have thought that the lasers shining above were actually money raining from the sky based on the amount of cheers and sounds of awe and wonder.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, the lasers were pretty cool… and I’m as much a fan of technology of the 80s as the next guy, but it didn’t change my life. 

All in all, it really was a great, nerdalicious evening with XBF.  As the show was ending and a few people started the leave, Tony-D (that’s what I’m calling Anthony Daniels now… we’re tight) came back to the stage to announce that there was a special guest at the bowl tonight… who would it be?  You could feel the flash of speculation crossing everyone’s minds… George Lucas?  Mark Hamill?  Peter Mayhew?   And before we knew what hit us… John Williams took the stage to conduct “The Imperial March”…  and that’s when it happened.  That’s when the Hollywood Bowl, filled to capacity… well, we had ourselves a nerdgasm. 


 

***SIDE NOTE:  Ok, I couldn’t get any good pics at the bowl, but after the show, we saw this car in the parking lot… and, you’re welcome.  You are welcome.  Yup, that’s R2-D2 coming out the back.  And wait… who’s the passenger?  What up, Yoda!

Being Mrs Jessica: The Wife Life- ‘Nerdtastic’ by Jessica Glassberg

Being Mrs Jessica: The Wife Life ‘Chickening Out’ by Jessica Glassberg.

In honor of those that served and those that want to be served seconds.

BEING MRS. JESSICA: THE WIFE LIFE ‘CHICKENING OUT’ by Jessica Glassberg

I fully realize that Memorial Day’s intention is not just barbecues, beer and department store sales.  It is a day of remembrance for those who have passed in our nation’s service. 

But for a lot of Americans, we’re just happy to be grillin’ corn, burgers and a variety of cased meats.  It is looking forward to the abbreviated work/school week and enjoying a Monday that feels like a Sunday. 

However being unemployed and on a diet… I fear I am not quite reaping my inalienable rights of pigging out and complaining about going back to work even if just for 4 days.  I will instead chicken out… both in the sense that I will inevitably chicken out of my diet by eating a dessert… More than likely of the ice cream variety… I will defend my eating of said ice cream by claiming it as a pick me up for being a drain on society because I am sans job.  And chicken out as an alternative to pigging or cowing out with eating a chicken sausage in an attempt to cancel out the ice cream. Happy memorial day!  Have some ice cream for me.

Jessica Glasserg presents, Being Mrs. Jessica: The Wife Life: “Year One”

She made it! 

BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE: ‘Year One’ by Jessica Glassberg

So, last weekend we arrived back from Vegas (where yes, I LIVE blogged from my iphone… you’re welcome) 

We were celebrating the one year anniversary of XBF and I tying the knot.  In Hollywood years… WE MADE IT! People have told us that the 1st year is always the hardest.  And sure, we have some speed bumps  (See DAY NUMBER 1 (AND 2)) but all and all, I think we’ve done a great job of keeping each other happy. 

And never was this more exemplified than our television watching the other night.  Since we went a little crazy in Vegas (yard of daiquiri anyone?), we knew we should take it easy.  And what better way to take it easy than to watch a marathon of “TOP SHOT” on The History Channel.  You might think I said “TOP CHEF” which is also a show XBF and I quite enjoy, but nay, nay, I said, “TOP SHOT.”   

“Top Shot” is a show about shootin’ arrows, firin’ guns and throwin’ axes.  Truly fascinating stuff.  Not to mention, fascinating people.  There was definitely an alliance between the military folks, they were “gunning” to take out the civilians.   

Now, I am someone who has never fired a weapon (unless you count a laser tag gun, a Super Soaker or the gun from Duck Hunt),  I’m not a fan of the idea of hunting just for sport and I wouldn’t own a gun.  But if you want to show some guys firing rifles at exploding targets from 1000 yards away, or blasting jars of honey… I’m in! 

Seriously, I was hooked, we watched hours upon hours of this stuff… maybe it was the remnants of alcohol flowing through my veins, but I was eating this stuff up.  And when I thought the testosterone level of our television watching had reached an all time high, I brought us down by popping in “Love Actually” to even out the day.  XBF and I talked to each out in our best Alan Rickman voices (while saying we’ll never cheat on the other… oh Alan Rickman you naughty scallywag.) 

The beginning of year two is starting out with a bang.

BEING MRS. JESSICA – THE WIFE LIFE: ‘Vegas Baby!’ by Jessica Glassberg



Okay, so I am writing this blog on my iPhone while I’m in Vegas!  I’m here with XBF to celebrate out 1 yr anniversary and any time there’s a free moment (I’m in the bathroom or he’s in the bathroom) I’m writing.

No, I’m not drunk (yet) though we did share a yard (yes I said yard) of strawberry daiquiri… And we each had a giant BLT bloody mary ( inside was a slice of tomato, a lettuce rib and a surprising crisp, thick slab of bacon) and yes, as i write this, it’s about 4pm… But it’s Vegas!

Although I don’t know that we fit the profile of a typical yard drinker… Most seem to be pastel Polo shirt wearing guys with their collars popped, sporting impeccably clean sockless loafers and a name brand watch that has a face bigger than the wearer’d hand.  I heard one guy call his Tag Heuer “the black widow.”

Fedoras and diamond rings are optional accessories… Being a douche (yelling at strangers, dry humping their guy friends, I believe in an attempt to “impress” drunk girls and talking about their wealth in public) is not.

This is my first time in Vegas where I’m not working (no, no poles are involved) or I’ve been here for fun with girlfriends… Basically the first time with a guy… I mean, sure I’ve net guys out here (sorry XBF, it’s Vegas).  Also that sentence should have said MET guys, but net guys makes me sound like I have a far more interesting past than I actually do… Or I have a fishing fettish.


……..
Okay I’m back… It’s late (or early) so we had a fantastic dinner at fleur at the mandalay bay… Highlights: onion soup, crab and avocado spheres and tuna tacos.  2 1/2 hrs of eating… my kind of night.  We did some gambling… We decided to play machines we  didn’t understand but that made a lot of noise… Well for now, we’re up… Woot!

On the way back to our hotel, we taxied passed a generator on fire.  And as our cab driver looked over, she ran over a metal grate and got a flat tire.  We couldn’t stop because security said the fire fumes were toxic… We pulled over in an alley (paid… Our choice) and hopped into another cab.

We’re hoping the electricity doesn’t go out on the strip… It’d be interesting.  Ooh maybe we can Ocean’s 13 it and take Al Pacino’s money.  Vegas baby, Vegas!

Electricity’s been good and my blog is totally due… So to sum up the rest… Saw cirque du soleil’s the Beatles LOVE… A-frickin-amazing!!! But made me feel very out of shape.  XBF ordered a drink called “goddess of love” but I called it “the lumberjack” so he didn’t feel like all his testosterone left him.  We played some more noisy machines and had some luck with Star Wars, some weird game called Great Eagle, but I’m pretty sure it took my totem spirit and XBF won at the Sex and the City… He’s such a Miranda.

Vegas!

Sent from my iPhone

Loading posts...