Say Something Funny...B*tch

With Thanksgiving done and over with, I’ve been left with a refrigerator full of misfit leftovers. I don’t have all the fixings to make another complete meal yet I have enough turkey and Pumpkin Pie at my house to kill a horse. I’m kinda in a predicament. That and I feel guilty about going to the grocery store and buying MORE food when I have all this meat and pie but I’m preeetty sure I’ve already had every pumpkin/ turkey combination known to man.

There are five.

Oh! Also!

My boyfriend and I are obsessed with products we think we can’t get. Anything about to be banned or discontinued we must have. I swear, you come over to our house and it is a virtual storage bunker of Australian Toaster Biscuits, vanilla cigarettes and OK Soda. It looks like we survived some kind of zombie apocalypse in the 90s. You can therefore imagine the haste at which we’ve been collecting Four Loko since we heard it was going to be banned.

Basically, we also have A LOT of Four Loko.

This is not my boyfriend.

If you are like me, you need something to do with all these gd leftovers! Now I can’t tell you what to do with the Four Loko (I would not recommend drinking it, unless you’ve always wondered what the inside of a homeless man’s mouth tasted like) but may I suggest an amazing Posole, a traditional Mexican soup, made with your leftover turkey? That’s one down at least! This soup is hearty but healthy and so flavorful. Best of all, it doesn’t take a lot of time to make, which is good for me because I just heard whipped cream alcohol is on its way out and I gotta get to the store.

Turkey Posole

Serves 8 

2 tablespoons vegetable oil, 2 turns of the pan

2 medium onions, chopped

4 cloves garlic, chopped

2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and finely chopped

1 tablespoon ground cumin

2 tablespoons chopped fresh thyme leaves, 5-6 sprigs

Coarse salt and pepper

1 cup beer

16 tomatillos, peeled and coarsely chopped or coarsely processed in food processor

1 can hominy (15 ounces), (looks like jumbo corn and found on specialty food or canned vegetable aisle)

1 quart chicken stock (also stir in any leftover gravy)

1 1/2-2 pounds light and dark cooked turkey meat, chopped

1 lime, juiced

Finely chopped cilantro leaves, for garnish (radishes and avocado are great too!)

Corn chips of choice, to top soup or dip 

Heat a medium soup pot or large deep skillet over medium high heat. Add vegetable oil, 2 turns of the pan, then add the onions, garlic, jalapenos, cumin, thyme, and salt and pepper, to taste. Cook 5-6 minutes to soften onions then add beer and cook it off, 1 minute. Stir in tomatillos and cook 5 minute more then stir in the hominy, chicken stock, any leftover gravy (up to 2 cups) and the turkey. Heat through, adjust salt and pepper and simmer the posole 10-15 minutes over low heat. Stir in lime juice and remove from heat.

Garnish soup with cilantro and serve with corn chips to top or dip.

My boyfriend and I just went on a road trip which was really more like a tour of America’s most TERRIFYING motels. It was a great vacation, but we tried to keep it cheap- so we stayed in some pretty rough places. Basically, we would pick the place we thought we were most likely to be murdered in. Choose that one. Pay them $50, then be too petrified to sleep.  Like, “Oh no, please don’t wash the sheets, we are fine. Besides, I’m sure you are very busy looking after that emphysema I can hear through the walls.  Also its midnight, so I’m certain there are some exotic curries you could be making… some wet stains you could be throwing on the furniture… Don’t worry about it - we will just sleep in our jackets.”

Also, swear to god, we were on the same route as those escaped murderers from Arizona.

We basically followed them, or they followed us, from Arizona to Montana. Like 3,000 miles! Every time I stopped and turned on the TV it was like “Bonnie and Clyde killers in Yellowstone”. Of course they are. I think I just rented a hotel room from them. 

It’s as if we picked a vacation and were like, “We’ll take ‘In the Mind of a Killer’ please. That’s affordable right?”

“We‘re kinda on a budget”.

Ooh! Also in Yellowstone? BUFFALO! Like, live ones. Here’s a far away picture I took.

We ate some delicious buffalo meat in Jackson Hole like rich asshole Californians then returned to our nightmare roadside inn like escaped convict murderers.  It was preeety great! I would have liked to wow you all with the recipe, but I live in Los Angeles. Where am I gonna get some GD buffalo meat?!

Probably Bristol Farms…

Anyway, I made you this instead! Blue Cheese Stuffed Chicken with Buffalo Sauce. YUM! I got this recipe from my friend, Danielle and it always go-to when I want something quick and delicious. So good! Enjoy and ‘til next time, friends!

Blue Cheese Stuffed Chicken with Buffalo Sauce

Serves 4 

1/2  cup  (2 ounces) crumbled blue cheese

1  tablespoon  reduced-fat sour cream

1  teaspoon  fresh lemon juice

1/8  teaspoon  freshly ground black pepper

4  (6-ounce) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves

1/4  cup  all-purpose flour

2  tablespoons  2% reduced-fat milk

1  large egg, lightly beaten

1  cup  panko (Japanese breadcrumbs)

1 1/2  tablespoons  butter, divided

Bottle of Frank’s brand Hot Buffalo Sauce (you can find this at any grocery store) 

Preheat oven to 350°.

Combine first 4 ingredients in a small bowl. Cut a horizontal slit through thickest portion of each chicken breast half to form a pocket. Stuff cheese mixture evenly into pockets.

Place flour in a shallow dish. Combine milk and egg in a shallow dish, stirring well with a whisk. Place panko in a shallow dish. Working with 1 chicken breast half at a time, dredge chicken in flour, then dip in egg mixture; dredge in panko. Repeat procedure with remaining chicken, flour, egg mixture, and panko.

Heat a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat. Add 1 tablespoon butter to pan; swirl until butter melts. Arrange chicken in pan; cook 4 minutes or until browned. Turn chicken over; place skillet in oven. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until done. Top with Frank’s Buffalo Sauce

Every week Kate will be answering your burning questions.  She is the best friend you always wish you had!  Here’s this weeks deliciousness!!

1.  I just can’t get enough of reality TV programming.  I found myself saying no to a date because SYTYCD was on  and my DVR was broken.  How can I stop this??

**  Going into this discussion, you should know that I’d rather be at home on my couch more than pretty much any other activity.  Also, my world does happen to come to a very particular kind of halt when the new season of SYTYCD airs.  In light of these things, I will remain as objective as possible in advising your dilemma.

If this is a recent turn of events—the DVR not working—then I’d not see a reason to be concerned.  However, if by “broken” you mean that it hasn’t worked for quite a few months and this antisocial behavior has become routine, then you should be worried, yeah.  Because if SYTYCD is your kind of show, my gut tells me it’s not the only show you’ll find an excuse to stay in and watch.   House on Monday, Biggest Loser on Tuesday, Law & Order on Wednesday, 30 Rock on Thursday, 2-Hour Dateline Murder Mystery Friday…just, as a for-instance.   

If you can assure me that you are out tearing up the town all other 6 nights during the week—or at least open to the idea—then I’ll feel much better.  And get the friggin’ DVR fixed.  Why are we even having this discussion?  Your priorities are misaligned, you get the DVR fixed before you eat, shit.

2.  My boyfriend only refers to me by my name in public and never as his girlfriend- it has been 2 years.  What gives?!?

**  Uhhh, well, I dunno.  Have you talked to him about it?  I bet if you were to talk to him—because you should ABSOLUTELY be able to talk to your boyfriend about something like this if it really bothers you—it would be the first time he ever thought about it.  You have to remember that guys are pretty simple and to intentionally omit your relationship ship status from an introduction because he just knows how much it gets to you is far too complicated a game plan for a guy. 

But, you know what, if and when you do talk to him about it and he actually has a reason for why he does it, then that’s bullshit, and you need to rethink him.

3. What’s your summer cocktail of choice?

**  I’m a vodka girl.  Usually vodka on the rocks, occasionally a filthy dirty vodka martini, but my summer happy hour drink is ALWAYS a vodka mojito.  I dunno what liquor is in a real mojito, but they are not good y’all.  I simply don’t understand why you people like them.  Then I was out with a friend for drinks and she ordered a vodka mojito.  I’ve not been the same since.  It’s cool and refreshing and smooth and light. 

Bitch, please.