Say Something Funny...B*tch

By Ladies. For Bitches.

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2 posts tagged california pizza kitchen

Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Dressed-up Frozen Pizza

Question, Ladies: what exactly is “business casual”? What does that mean to you?   

Me, I’ve always been of the mind that “more is more”. I overdress to the grocery store, I love pearls and long gloves, I wouldn’t be caught dead without stockings on, hell I’ll even dress up my food. I’m great!

That’s why I was shocked when my manager took me aside the other day and told me to be less “… on the edges of the dress-code”.

WHAT?!!!

I mean, if anything, I was classing up the joint; givin’ it a more “ladies who lunch” vibe. I mean obvi this guy has no taste, no panache; who wouldn’t want an ELEGANT secretary?! But facts is facts, folks and this wet blanket is my boss. So I decided to do the superior thing and compromise. And now, every day before I leave the house, I look in the mirror, take off one piece of costume jewelry, remember I’m a secretary and promise not to kill myself.

Image via http://www.moviefanfare.com

Now that’s what I call from work to night!

Dressed-up Frozen Pizza

One frozen CPK White Pizza

Sea Salt

Red pepper flakes

Whole milk ricotta

Cook pizza as instructed. Remove from oven and top with dollops of ricotta. Sparingly sprinkle sea salt on ricotta mounds. Dust with hot red pepper flakes.  

‘Overheard at the Nail Salon #1’ by Alisha Gaddis

So, I go to the nail salon.  Not as much as I used to since Kate Ruppert changed my life and had me switch from regular manicures to gel manicures (They can last perfectly up to 3 weeks.  3 weeks I say!!!)

This is not my real hand, my nails look even better- if that is possible!!!

The nail salon is the perfect place to stare at people that you would never really get to in ‘real life’ for a prolonged period of time without a fight breaking out.  You can also speak as little, or as much as you want (I chose the former, but many chose the latter).  Which leads me to my next point:  people love to talk on their phones or to their friends during this tight, fumey, cramped weird salon experience.   All around you people are screaming about their boyfriend troubles, their car payments, their in-laws annoying gift giving habits- anything and everything. 

I LOVE it.

I love these slices of insight into people’s lives, passions, and hates.  I totally geek out legally eavesdropping on these nuggets of humanity. 

Here is a piece of gold for you- overheard at the nail salon:

Girl #1: ” Kenny G came into CPK and tried to get a better table today.”

Girl #2: “Kenny what?”

Girl #1: “G.  I told him it would be 5 minutes.  He told me he had a million dollars and that I should know who he is.  I don’t know Kenny G.  I was like ‘you don’t look like my mom’s old cd cover.’”

Girl #2: “OMG.  Who has cds!?”

Girl #1: “I know.  I said, ‘If you really are so famous where are the paparazzi?!’”

Girl #2: “Ooooh.  Good one.”

Girl #1:  “He just stormed off.  He was a dick.”

Girl #2: (nods knowingly).

Girl #1: “Can you pass me the green polish with the gold flecks?”

(Girl #2 obliges. Long Silence)

Girl #1: I didn’t know he was Kenny G, but maybe he was.  He was old.  So I guess it makes sense. Maybe I should have gotten his autograph for my mom.”

Girl #2: (nods knowingly).

Girl #1: “Old semi-famous people the WORST!”

Girl #2; (nods super knowingly).

The End. 

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