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So WHY….WHY does poop keep showing up on my lawn. I know it’s not my neighbors. How do I know? Because I freakin watch them, okay??!! Cause I’m gonna solve this puzzle faster than Tom Hanks in Da Vinci Code and you don’t solve puzzles by sitting idly by!! You have to investigate.

Rebekah Tripp

The Art of B*tching- ‘Poop’ by Rebekah Tripp

The Art of B*tching: ‘Poop’ by Rebekah Tripp

That’s right, literally, sh*t.  I find that when I feel I’ve nothing to b*tch about, I need only look at the world directly around me and BOOM…right in the face—-a subject hits me…not poop.

We all know, as I will scream from every roof top, that I am a cat person.  There are some folks that are vehement cat people.  I’m fairly easy going in the whole cat/dog, ‘which is better’ war.  I love my cat, I think cats rock but I understand that it depends on your personality whether you’re a cat or dog person.  However, if you want to start a battle with me and argue that dogs are better than cats, it’s on like Donkey Kong, Motherf*cker.  Okay….let me wind myself down…back to topic. There are other folks who are dog people.  That’s cool.  However, being dog people, these folks must realize that there are certain responsibilities that come with taking care of an animal that is less self sufficient and less intelligent than a cat.

Let’s cut the poop, we’re talking potty time folks.  It’s not my fault that you have an animal that you need to take out of doors in order for it to do it’s pee/poop business.  You knew that was the case when you signed on to the deal.  Am I right? Yes. Always.  So, if that’s the case, if you knew the score and it was..you take your happy ass outside with your dog so it can take a crap, then you also must have surmised that taking a dog out to poop is like being in some historic outdoor forest…you take the poop with you.  No leave behinds.  I think, on the whole, there are a great many folks that understand this rule, and yes, it is a freakin rule.  So WHY….WHY does poop keep showing up on my lawn.  I know it’s not my neighbors.  How do I know?  Because I freakin watch them, okay??!!  Cause I’m gonna solve this puzzle faster than Tom Hanks in Da Vinci Code and you don’t solve puzzles by sitting idly by!!  You have to investigate.  This mystery is called, the Case of the Dumb Sh*t (this title has multiple meanings).

Stay tuned folks.  I will be back to report my findings.  In the meantime, if you’re a dog person, fine…so you have issues of co dependency..no big deal, you’re a caretaker…STILL….if you don’t pick up after your precious pup’s *ss droppings…and you have the misfortune of running into me…there will be problems.  Your dog didn’t make art for the world to see, you’re dog took a deuce…now take that plastic bag out of your pocket and go pick it up while it’s still warm. Thanks.

Read more of Rebekah’s sweet verbage here: http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/rebekahtripp

Red Wine, Cats & Recipes - ‘Guacamole’ by Jamie Brunton

About a year or so ago, I went to a Cat Show. Yeah, I’m serious. And if you don’t know what a Cat Show is, think Dog Show, then swap in cats.

Originally, I had agreed to attend because two friends of mine had seen a hilarious Cat Show documentary on TV and thought it would be a once in a lifetime people-judging opportunity.

Whoops. Did I say “judging”? I meant “watching”.

Now, if you have never been to a Cat Show (and I’m assuming this is most of you) let me break it down:

The cats are set up in cages like this:

Then from my understanding, the cats are judged on a range of criteria including, but not limited to:

1. Stretchiness

2. Side profile

3. Agility

4.  Manners

5. Tolerance

It was amazing, and we definitely had our share of snarky laughs but I must admit, by the time the show was over we had picked a favorite cat (# 3) and were screaming for him during judging. And I’m not talking about ironic cheering either. We were literally screaming and clapping for this cat! I think we were more excited and obnoxious than about 90% of the people there. As we were leaving, I swear to god, a woman looked at us then turned to her friend and said, “Cat people are weird”.

Yep.

We celebrated our new interest by going out to eat at an awesome Mexican restaurant with delicious homemade guacamole (I know it’s a stretch but it’s true!). Here is the best and only guacamole recipe you will ever need! I promise you.

As a Cat Person.

P.S. Cat show in Glendale Feb. 26th. See you there? http://catsla.com/

Chunky Guacamole

1 small red onion

1 fresh jalapeno – finely chopped

¼ cup fresh cilantro – chopped

1 medium fresh tomato – chopped

1 garlic clove – minced

4 ripe avocados

4 tablespoons fresh lime juice

Salt and pepper to taste

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