Okay, a couple more words on Bridesmaids. Turns out, I’m not as sick of loving to hate this crap-bin of a shit-show. Admittedly, Laura Mannino did a good job addressing the strengths of the film, and gave it an in-depth, thought-provoking read (which I think was more than it deserved). Check her shit out here: http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/post/6499461206/why-bridesmaids-matters-by-laura-mannino
Laura, your considerations are valid. Listen; if Judd Apatow wanted me to make a movie starring me, I would do it. And yeah, I’d probably wear something flattering while doing so. We are allowed to like and not like things, agree and disagree, but the opportunity taken- FOR ME- seemed to be less groundbreaking and more an exercise in trying to make funny what women may want, and not following through in what intelligent filmmaking could do for women within the industry and in comedy, as a whole.
Anyhow, I’ve gotta get back to this six-pack of Coors light and this edition of The Bad Girls Club: Love Games. Oh wait, no. I think I’m watchhing MASH.
Still, I was thinking about marriage after all this Bridesmaids talk, and I’ve decided something.
I should have married young. Like, super baby-prostitute young. Like, just-had-my period young.
Well, not that young. Not like, REPUBLIC OF GAMBIA young. But you get what I’m saying, gentle readers.
And you know what? I’m pretty anti-marriage. A lot of the time, people who marry lose sight of their individuality and the meaning of the marital bond. It’s about pleasing everyone else, about making something into what society deems acceptably celebratory BLAH BLAH BLAH and spending a shit-ton of money on Jordan almonds and an open bar.
That’s right. I’m anti-open bar. I’ll bring my own, thankyouverymuch.
After dating a shit-ton of dudes (and I have, for being barely 21), I’ve realized that we all have SO MUCH GODDAMNED BAGGAGE. Marrying young (and by young, I mean 18-22) allows people to:
- Not learn about themselves as individuals, and grow a sense of co-dependency that is unprecedented therefore, hard to break. That means, loyalty through a sense of fear!
- Not deal with painful exes when they get paroled.
- Not understand the Whitman’s sampler that is a multi-faceted sex life. Listen, you know what you know, and you’ll LIKE IT!
- You won’t have to be jealous or worry about the marriage, because you’ll be spending more time worrying about your student loans, career and your still-present acne. Yeah, put Clearasil on your registry, people.
- There is no 5.
Think about it, people. I’m all KINDS OF BANGED UP ON MY INSIDES. Had I married my high school sweetheart, I could be overweight with 3 kids, living in a townhouse in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, happy doing Data entry and spending weekends with my precious Coors Lights and my equally-overweight cat.
Oh wait, I already do that shit! I WIN!