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The Art of B*tching- ‘Midwest’ by Rebekah Tripp

You know what folks?  I’m in my home town; a little Northwest suburb of Chicago known as Carol Stream.  AND thusly…..I have zero to b*tch about.  I have only to celebrate the fact that I get to spend loads of time with my mom; the munchkin and various lifelong friends and compatriots of my fair city!! It’s been oodles…that’s right, oodles of fun and I’m ever so said that I shall soon be heading back to California. Buuuut…my happiness factor will shoot right through the roof when I get back to the West Coast because on Monday, at 8:30 am, I get to go to Downtown Los Angeles to settle the little matter of a $358 speeding ticket.  Did someone just say ‘Next week’s topic!!’????

Alright my little love nuggets….I’m about to give you an inkling as to why I love the suburbs, the people, and the Midwest as a whole.  Here it go:

*Chili’s, Applebee’s, and TGI Fridays…..are neither ghetto nor a laughing matter.  These restaurants are serious business and a fantastic place to make smart and healthy food choices after your weekly Weight Watchers meeting. (I will say that my mom used to go to Olive Garden but the service blew.  I forgive you OG…I forgive you.)

*A multitude of bars in Chicago stay open until 4am.  WHICH MEANS…on a Saturday can party, kibitz after the bar closes in the parking lot, then head to Church for Sunday morning mass.

*White washed jeans and a T-shirt with a picture of a wolf on it, is a perfectly acceptable outfit to wear to: Target, the movies, Chili’s, etc.  We’re a no fuss kind of people.

*Portillo’s reigns supreme.  If you do not know what I’m talking about…get off your *ss, head to Buena Park, CA and get yourself a BEEF…for the love of Ditka!!

*When I arrived in town…it was 90 degrees, humid, sticky and though I felt barf barf gross for 85% of the day…it was lovely.  Today…it was rainy and dropped to 50 degrees!  In this city…people die from the bone chilling cold in the winter AND from the soul sucking heat in the summer….can you beat that??

*Last night I slept during a real, bonafide thunderstorm.  Nope…it wasn’t my little ‘lull me to sleep’ piece of crap noise machine that I use in California…the angels were bowling above ladies and gents and it was beautiful.

I have to say…if you haven’t been to Chicago…you must.  I don’t believe in bucket lists…don’t stack up a bunch of sh*t you have to do before you die…because you don’t know when that may be.  So do it now. Travel to this glorious city…it’s like Cheers…the whole city.  You’ll love it.  Lord knows I do.

Mama Munchkin.  The one, the only.

Rule #15 - Know the difference between being an animal lover and becoming the “cat lady”.

Midwestern correspondent and recent Indiana University alum- LeeAnn Ratcliff

Welcome to Contributor…LeeAnn Ratcliff!!

Want the Midwest perspective?!!? 

We did too!

Welcome to recent Indiana University college graduate- LEEANN RATCLIFF!!!  She is fierce, fabulous and out on the town.  She also happens to be Founder Alisha Gaddis’ cousin!

She is serving up hot rules to live by for all you boys and girls out there! Tune in to check her out! 

LeeAnn lives in Indiana with her two wonderful dogs! Milla and Maddie. Milla is a year and Maddie is 4 months. She is currently deciding whether she should get a job or go to grad school.  Hopefully her own rules will help her decide!

Beezy’s Bagina Bonologue: ‘Snowed In’ by Bekah Tripp

Hello all my fabulous B.I.T.C.H.E.S.
I reach out to you this week from a wintery wonderland.  This is a picture of Lake Shore Drive in Chicago, IL, which is where I happen to be right now…luuuucky!  I believe this picture to be an accurate depiction of what Hell will look like when frozen over.  Please enjoy and if it happens to get a little chilly in L.A. the next few days…you need only imagine me; huddled on the couch with my 5 foot nothing munchkin of a mother and our fat cat, Scout, tipping the scales at just over 300 lbs.  Suck my chilly kiss.

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