The Art of B*tching: ‘Poop’ by Rebekah Tripp
That’s right, literally, sh*t. I find that when I feel I’ve nothing to b*tch about, I need only look at the world directly around me and BOOM…right in the face—-a subject hits me…not poop.
We all know, as I will scream from every roof top, that I am a cat person. There are some folks that are vehement cat people. I’m fairly easy going in the whole cat/dog, ‘which is better’ war. I love my cat, I think cats rock but I understand that it depends on your personality whether you’re a cat or dog person. However, if you want to start a battle with me and argue that dogs are better than cats, it’s on like Donkey Kong, Motherf*cker. Okay….let me wind myself down…back to topic. There are other folks who are dog people. That’s cool. However, being dog people, these folks must realize that there are certain responsibilities that come with taking care of an animal that is less self sufficient and less intelligent than a cat.
Let’s cut the poop, we’re talking potty time folks. It’s not my fault that you have an animal that you need to take out of doors in order for it to do it’s pee/poop business. You knew that was the case when you signed on to the deal. Am I right? Yes. Always. So, if that’s the case, if you knew the score and it was..you take your happy ass outside with your dog so it can take a crap, then you also must have surmised that taking a dog out to poop is like being in some historic outdoor forest…you take the poop with you. No leave behinds. I think, on the whole, there are a great many folks that understand this rule, and yes, it is a freakin rule. So WHY….WHY does poop keep showing up on my lawn. I know it’s not my neighbors. How do I know? Because I freakin watch them, okay??!! Cause I’m gonna solve this puzzle faster than Tom Hanks in Da Vinci Code and you don’t solve puzzles by sitting idly by!! You have to investigate. This mystery is called, the Case of the Dumb Sh*t (this title has multiple meanings).
Stay tuned folks. I will be back to report my findings. In the meantime, if you’re a dog person, fine…so you have issues of co dependency..no big deal, you’re a caretaker…STILL….if you don’t pick up after your precious pup’s *ss droppings…and you have the misfortune of running into me…there will be problems. Your dog didn’t make art for the world to see, you’re dog took a deuce…now take that plastic bag out of your pocket and go pick it up while it’s still warm. Thanks.
Read more of Rebekah’s sweet verbage here: http://saysomethingfunnybitch.tumblr.com/rebekahtripp