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“Ne Ne Leaks, You Lucky Bitch” by Renee Gauthier

Alright world, I am back with current reality show rants. It has been a while but I have been sitting in stillness trying to report “back to love”. Well ,I have reported back in and now I am happy to put a “loving” spin on all the reality and scripted shows that I have had on in the background whilst getting centered.

 

A lot has been happening with me. I am a single and ready to mingle lady and I have been on just a few legit dates. I am now home typing this blog so they clearly went well.

 

First up, I stopped watching “Dance Moms”, yet it still tapes for me. I just couldn’t deal with the mothers anymore. They reminded me of girls I went to high school with but way older and bitterer with Kate Plus 8 haircuts. I didn’t mind the fat yelling dance teacher… she actually made sense to me.


I am watching “American Idol” and “The Voice” I like the talent on “idol” but the eye candy of Adam Levine on “The Voice”.


Olton Dixon was voted off last week and that just shows you who is voting… idiots. Elyse is soooo unlikable she has no right to even have that good voice she is sporting.

 

I also watch “Real Housewives of Atlanta, Orange County” and meee ladies of “Jersey “are back on the scene. Now I have been watching “Celebrity Apprentice” as well and Theresa Guidice is on that show and pretty likable although confirms her intelligence level. On the Reunion of Atlanta Ne Ne Leaks proves that people who are assholes get what they want out of life except friends, Cynthia is a giant fake and Candi is still my favorite. On the first episode of “NJ Housewives” Theresa’s husband Joe is a big fat jerkbag who pretends to lift weights and not to have cheated on his wife. I am super excited for this to unfold.

 

Now I am rusty and way too in touch with my loving self to get super nasty for my first blog back but I assume and can almost promise I will get my “groove back”.

 

PS. Please see “Think Like A Man, Act Like A Woman” it is funny and good.

think

 

I will be in Palm Springs this Saturday. Azul Comedy show….

http://www.facebook.com/pages/COMEDY-NIGHT-AT-AZUL-in-Palm-Springs/400332957467


And more of me at: http://midwesthot.tumblr.com/

'Tree of Real Housewives' by Renee Gauthier

Ok, this week has been an overwhelming week of Reality TV let down to Brad Pitt Movie let down.

“Tree of Life” more like “Tree of Get Me The F*ck Out Of This Movie Theater”

The whole think is f*cking narrated and I have no clue what is going on until …wait!!! Is that a goddamn planet earth, ocean montage with “Passion of the Christ” music… for 45 minutes?!

Yes it is! There were even dinosaurs…. And Sean Penn… a star studded piece of shit. 

Now Real Housewives of OC Finale was on last night. I hate Tamara and she went from bitch to victim in a heartbeat. “I’m shaking,” she kept saying.

Hey Tamara! Maybe you are shaking cuz you are too old to be wearing that skin-tight red dress and your blood flow is being compromises.

Then the battle of the two blonde, big lipped idiots… Alexis carries a bible while Peggy carries her son around…oh shit, wait! That is her husband. 

Real Housewives of NYC is still proving to be my favorite and now Cindy (the new one) starts in about being disrespected.

Here is the common thread in all the “Housewives “ series. The quote

“What- are we in high school”

No ladies, even worse. You are on my television. Watch how stupid you act cuz I am totally judging you. 

“Bachelorette”, Ashley please stop saying “perfect” like “per-fect” it is making me want to throw my delicious chip and dips at the TV. Also, does every guy on this show have a fucking sob story about death? Do we have to hear about it on your first one on one with this girl?

Oh, and Bentley? The guy who is telling the camera he doesn’t find her attractive and is just there for the competition, can you please get a new shirt. The stripe one looks a little, what’s the word, dickheady. So in that case, good wardrobe choice. 

I am at  the Ontario Improv Wednesday to see a classier side of life in the show “Vagina Dialogues” check it out.

PS …I think tonight’s “Secret Life” is gonna make me cry

"The Real Housewives of Jersey Shores” by Renee Gauthier

Oh people! The new season of Real Housewives of New Jersey” looks like its gonna be a trashy doozy. I have already watched the “Italian Christening Brawl” (my own title) 3 times. It is mesmerizing.

Oh boy! Ok- so Theresa, who looks like a gorilla, is married to her man gorilla Joe. New on the show we meet Theresa’s brother and sister-in-law, Joe and Melissa. They are mini Theresa and Joe, and now they all hate each other. Theresa’s brother called her “garbage” at a frickin Christening!!!!!

Oh those Italian Catholics sure know how to shame Jesus.  

Speaking of Jesus, Alexis of “Real Housewives of Orange County” is coming out that she had an eating disorder. Oh! What a shocker. Almost as shocking as me eating another cheese dog today! Exactly what I am saying… no shock.

I am getting slightly tired of reality TV, wait… is that “Mob Wives”? I am back in love.

Also “Celebrity Apprentice” should change its name to “Meatloaf Cries” get it together man.

I am off to bed my friends. I am of course gonna fall asleep to “Say Yes To The Dress” while sobbing and living through other brides cuz I am not even close to “saying yes to dinner” 

Check out this highlight reel.

http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey

http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey/season-3/photos/photo-diaries/gorga-family-rewind 
 

And don’t forget to “like” SSFB Fan page on facebook and Renee Gauthier’s fan page.

Please also check out my advice column www.midwesthot.tumblr.com

“Brothers and Sisters….pump up the volume” by Renee Gauthier

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I am quoting the famous hit from the 80’s but I really just chant that whenever “Brothers and Sisters” on ABC is on! I think it is a fun way to tell people what I am watching.

I watch a lot of bad television and that show is not one of those.

I cried watching it, if anyone reads my blogs you may say to yourself “she always cries” -well I do!

Here is when I did not cry: watching Real Housewives of NYC and OC.

Sonja on NYC is so full of herself it is yucky. Makes me believe she was not being honest last season when she was nice.

Then, I really hate Tamara on the OC one because she says “Bitches” too much. Like a teenager trying to be from Jersey.

What’s that? Yes, I am crying because I am blogging about those horrible TV shows.

I am not gonna cry about loving “Degrassi” though. It is a beautiful Canadian teen drama that I just think is too young for me and perfect for me at the same time.

I know I know… “aboot”. I watch it for the “aboots”  

After a weekend of my brother Jonpaul being in town and a huge TV lineup to talk about I am exhausted but don’t worry I will get it together to work a very important shift at work today….

I have decided that when I get my own television show I am going to find a way to hire most of the people I serve in Beverly Hills, even if for a day and I am going to make them get me unnecessary amounts of ketchup and not use it in front of them regardless of what I hired them to do….

I call that payback…. Whoops I forgot to watch “Celebrity Apprentice”

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