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'Audrina's mom is a lunatic' by Renee Gauthier


I had a full night of watching my reality TV last night.


I never thought I would say this, but I feel bad for Audrina Patridge. Her mom is like the crazy alcoholic aunt you don’t realize is an alcoholic until you are both adults at a wedding!
You know what I mean. No question. You do.
She is skinny and wrinkly and just always yelling or crying. I was getting anxiety.

“Celebrity Apprentice” was a two for one last night. Star Jones was kicked off- which I have to say I truly, truly enjoyed. What I didn’t enjoy was Meatloaf sobbing for half of the episode…good god man get some meds.

On to “RHOC” The women in the OC really test my nerves. Yes- I DVR it, but I guess I like the frustration. Alexis trying to model “her” new clothing line was just satisfaction. Because no matter how rich or pretty you appear you can still be a talentless wit. Oh, are you wondering why I put quotes around “her”? Because she didn’t design anything or even have ideas for her clothing line. She hired a woman who clearly has talent and put her face on it. Come on Alexis, you are no “Jacklyn Smith”.

Now tonight I get to catch the  “Bethenny Ever After “ finale and I am sure that will be full of wit and crying. I just really like her. I am reading her book “Place of Yes” I say you can  all borrow it from me.

Oooh! Also tonight is “Secret Life Of An American Teenager.” Sure it’s not reality, but it’s an addictive teen show on ABC Family that has a handful of horrible actors and Molly Ringwald. I know people, I know.

This was simply informative today, I didn’t cry at all… so maybe that is why.


Oh! One more Oh! My one-woman show returns to the stage on June 1st in Los Angeles at the Theater Asylum 8pm. Along with SSFB Live Comedy Show, which is June 10th,we are included in the LA Comedy Festival.


Please start following  HYPERLINK “http://www.midwesthot.tumblr.com” www.midwesthot.tumblr.com and visit my column on www.twitter.com/midwesthot

“Brothers and Sisters….pump up the volume” by Renee Gauthier

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I am quoting the famous hit from the 80’s but I really just chant that whenever “Brothers and Sisters” on ABC is on! I think it is a fun way to tell people what I am watching.

I watch a lot of bad television and that show is not one of those.

I cried watching it, if anyone reads my blogs you may say to yourself “she always cries” -well I do!

Here is when I did not cry: watching Real Housewives of NYC and OC.

Sonja on NYC is so full of herself it is yucky. Makes me believe she was not being honest last season when she was nice.

Then, I really hate Tamara on the OC one because she says “Bitches” too much. Like a teenager trying to be from Jersey.

What’s that? Yes, I am crying because I am blogging about those horrible TV shows.

I am not gonna cry about loving “Degrassi” though. It is a beautiful Canadian teen drama that I just think is too young for me and perfect for me at the same time.

I know I know… “aboot”. I watch it for the “aboots”  

After a weekend of my brother Jonpaul being in town and a huge TV lineup to talk about I am exhausted but don’t worry I will get it together to work a very important shift at work today….

I have decided that when I get my own television show I am going to find a way to hire most of the people I serve in Beverly Hills, even if for a day and I am going to make them get me unnecessary amounts of ketchup and not use it in front of them regardless of what I hired them to do….

I call that payback…. Whoops I forgot to watch “Celebrity Apprentice”

You Heard Me! By SSFB’s Newest Contributor: Kate Ruppert!

Every week Kate will be answering your burning questions.  She is the best friend you always wish you had!  Here’s this weeks deliciousness!!

1.  I just can’t get enough of reality TV programming.  I found myself saying no to a date because SYTYCD was on  and my DVR was broken.  How can I stop this??

**  Going into this discussion, you should know that I’d rather be at home on my couch more than pretty much any other activity.  Also, my world does happen to come to a very particular kind of halt when the new season of SYTYCD airs.  In light of these things, I will remain as objective as possible in advising your dilemma.

If this is a recent turn of events—the DVR not working—then I’d not see a reason to be concerned.  However, if by “broken” you mean that it hasn’t worked for quite a few months and this antisocial behavior has become routine, then you should be worried, yeah.  Because if SYTYCD is your kind of show, my gut tells me it’s not the only show you’ll find an excuse to stay in and watch.   House on Monday, Biggest Loser on Tuesday, Law & Order on Wednesday, 30 Rock on Thursday, 2-Hour Dateline Murder Mystery Friday…just, as a for-instance.   

If you can assure me that you are out tearing up the town all other 6 nights during the week—or at least open to the idea—then I’ll feel much better.  And get the friggin’ DVR fixed.  Why are we even having this discussion?  Your priorities are misaligned, you get the DVR fixed before you eat, shit.


2.  My boyfriend only refers to me by my name in public and never as his girlfriend- it has been 2 years.  What gives?!?

**  Uhhh, well, I dunno.  Have you talked to him about it?  I bet if you were to talk to him—because you should ABSOLUTELY be able to talk to your boyfriend about something like this if it really bothers you—it would be the first time he ever thought about it.  You have to remember that guys are pretty simple and to intentionally omit your relationship ship status from an introduction because he just knows how much it gets to you is far too complicated a game plan for a guy. 

But, you know what, if and when you do talk to him about it and he actually has a reason for why he does it, then that’s bullshit, and you need to rethink him.


3. What’s your summer cocktail of choice?

**  I’m a vodka girl.  Usually vodka on the rocks, occasionally a filthy dirty vodka martini, but my summer happy hour drink is ALWAYS a vodka mojito.  I dunno what liquor is in a real mojito, but they are not good y’all.  I simply don’t understand why you people like them.  Then I was out with a friend for drinks and she ordered a vodka mojito.  I’ve not been the same since.  It’s cool and refreshing and smooth and light. 

Bitch, please. 

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