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We’re Having a Fundraiser! And we need YOU.

Mark your calendars, for at 8 pm, the eve of July 28th at 1744 N. Wilton Place will be a fundraiser of epic proportions! In fact, we want to make it even epic-er than ever, and to do that, we need your help!

Let us backtrack.  “Say Something Funny, Bitch” is a website that was started by Alisha Gaddis in 2010, to bring a group of strong, female voices to the online comedy community. Since then, SSFB has been bringing you articles that were funny, topical, touching, artistic and pictorial (yeah, photo essays, what of it?) and the site has been reposted by blogs like Comediva, Hello Giggles and some weird Australian pro-Paris Hilton pop culture blog.

Unfortunately, Tumblr is getting far too small to house our rapidly growing readership! What we are aspiring to do through this fundraiser is to build a brand new website so that we can keep bringing the world content that is brilliant, hilarious, brilliant, witty, awesome, innovative, feminist, brilliant and brilliant. 

We are looking to raise 800 dollars. That will be the TOTAL cost to build new and world-class website fit to house the musings of our writers: Alisha Gaddis, Bekah Tripp, Rebecca Leib, Laura Mannino, Jamie Brunton, Maggy Keegan, Kate Ruppert, Renee Gauthier, Jessica Glassberg and a plethora of other funny, rotating guest writers!  Please, if there is any service or object you could donate to our cause- anything from a coaching session to a haircut to a date to a drawing to your Beta copy of Tron to that gross wine your weird Uncle bought you for your birthday three years ago…we’d love to take it off your hands and put it in our raffle to hopefully help out our cause!

If you can’t totally no big deal.  In fact, we’re delighted you even read this far (really, we know how busy a handsome fellow or madam like you is!) Please come to the fundraiser, get the word out, or sit and reflect on the inherent irony of gleaning self-appreciation from a mass query (really, we’re just happy you’re reading).  If you do decide to donate a service or object and you have a business or want to advertise with us, we can put you on the poster and hand out cards at the event. Or pass this along to someone you think would be willing to help! Whatever it takes! 

If you can donate a service or object, contact

Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Perfectly Scrambled Eggs

I know Rebecca Leib is our resident Haiku master, however I’ve had a shitty week and thought I’d try some art as therapy, booze no longer working.

Haikus to an LA Landlord:

My landlord be whack

If I get murdered, twas him

I totes promise you


The heater is broke

No, I don’t want your long johns

You give me the creeps


Look out the window

It is that guy, the Landlord

Just skulkin’ around


Sometimes trees just grow

It’s not my fault that they’re big

Blame sun not sprinklers



Here’s a recipe

It is scrambled like you are

Pun is intended

Perfectly Scrambled Eggs

(Something else we brought back from France. The scrambled eggs there are more labor intensive but worth it. Constant stirring over very low heat makes little curds and an almost custard -like texture. Divine. By the way, that poetry DID make me feel better.)

Serves 1

2 large eggs brought to room temperature (this is very important!)

1 tablespoon of butter

Salt and pepper to taste

A pinch of paprika

Crack room temperature eggs in a mixing bowl and stir to just combine, not aerate. Add salt and pepper. It is best to cook just two eggs at a time but you can do more if you’d like.

Meanwhile melt one tablespoon of butter in a skillet over the lowest heat setting possible. Once butter is melted, add eggs, If the eggs start to cook on contact the skillet is too hot! We are talking very low heat here.

Start stirring the eggs in a circular motion with a rubber spatula. Never stop stirring, this is what creates the lovely curd texture. Keep stirring until eggs thicken and start to change color, about 3-4 minutes.

Once eggs are almost done, but still slightly runny, remove from heat and serve. Eggs will continue to cook.

Sprinkle with a pinch of paprika.

Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Shaved Fennel Salad with Orange and Toasted Pistachio

When I was in elementary school I started to get teased a lot because I had hairy arms. Still do. The kids called me gorilla arms. So my mom took pity on me and secretly started to Nair my arms to get rid of the hair. So they were SILKY smooth like a lady’s leg! Which at the time, I thought was this amazing act of compassion. But in hindsight, probably wasn’t the best way to deal with the situation – you know, cause I was seven and because Nair is POISON!

Like I dont know if you’ve ever used the stuff before but it fucking burns; it hurts! Also it makes your hair shrivel up like some sort of nightmarish melted plastic spaghetti. It’s horrifying.

Also… a completely hairless arm? Far creepier than a hairy one - just in general - It looks off.

So my dad finds out, I don’t remember how – probably caught his reflection in my gleaming hairless body - and he gets into a fight with my Mom about it. I remember hearing the whole thing from the next room. He was like, “You can’t just Nair her arms cause kids are teasing her; it sends the wrong message. She needs to accept herself for who she is.”

Which is true!

And then he goes… “What are we gonna do when kids start teasing her about her gigantic lips?”

So I shaved my arms until I was in high school. Which, if you’ve ever thought about doing, don’t. It’s a horrible idea. Let’s just put it this way… explaining forearm stubble - actually a lot more embarrassing than the original problem. F -Y- I. I mean, either way you’re wearing long sleeves.

Shaved Fennel Salad with Orange and Toasted Pistachio

Serves 4

Adapted from

2 medium bulbs of fennel, sliced very thin, fennel fronds set aside

1/2 cup toasted and salted pistachios

2 tablespoons good olive oil

1 tablespoons fresh squeezed lemon

1/2 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest

1/2 teaspoon finely grated orange rind

3/4 cup orange sections (about two large oranges)

Coarse salt and pepper to taste

Combine and toss all the above ingredients in a large bowl until fennel is coated. Season with coarse salt and ground black pepper. Lightly sprinkle with fennel fronds for garnish. Serve immediately or refrigerate for up to 1 day.

Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Parisian Ham and Brie Sandwich

In the glamorous adventure that is my life, I just got back from Paris. Here is what I learned:

The French eat a lot of butter. A lot.

It is okay to start drinking red wine at breakfast.

My French is worse than I thought.

The French thought I was worse than I thought.

When someone hates you they really do say “Oohlala!”

To be fair, the nasty looks could have been due to the fact that my Fiance and I parked ourselves in front of the Mona Lisa for a good 45 minutes. Doing this.


All in all, it was a wonderful trip and the food was awesome. Although I’m usually full-up on the self-loathing, Paris. But thanks for reminding me I’m terrible.

Parisian Ham and Brie Sandwich (simple, elegant, better than you)

The nicest ham you can find (Really, the jambon in Paris is insane. If you can get your hands on some use that, otherwise sub-in prosciutto.)

One fresh baguette (Super fresh and local is the name of the game here.)

A good triple crème brie


Fresh basil

Assemble the sandwich then imagine you are strolling down the Champs Elysees, smoking a cigarette and coughing in people’s faces.

P.S. I really did love Paris.

‘The Male Bag’ by Colin Hughes

The one and only man on SSFB campus.  You have wrote in, often and vigorously, and Colin Hughes has answered. 

Ladies and B*tches….


Are guys in comedy more or less f*cked up than guys in other vocations?


As a comedian I think that this is a misnomer.

I spent nearly 6 years as a sales manager for a small company. There were times when I would wake up at 5am, be out of the house within a half hour and not return home until 7pm. At that point I would jump on my computer, plan the following day, do some paperwork, and eventually go to bed. I would do this 6, sometimes 7 days a week. At one point a coworker and I had each worked 30-some-odd-days in a row without having a day that was less than 10 hours.

We were crazy. At the same time though, Vitamin Water had just sold for billions, BILLIONS!!!! of dollars and if we played our cards right, with the stocks we had vested already, we could stand to make 4-5 million ourselves, if our company had sold for even a fraction of what Coke purchased Vitamin Water for. If we pushed hard enough today, we could retire tomorrow. Or so we thought.

Since then, we’ve both been fired, the company sold and nobody made a fucking penny. Not even the people still with the company.

Did we waste our time? Perhaps. Does this have anything to do with your question? Absolutely. Am I answering my own questions like Donald Rumsfeld? Yes, and I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is that passion can make people a little crazy. The thing about making millions of dollars with our drink company was so far from the front of our mind when we were at our most insane. All we could think about was being the best sales reps and making the company the best beverage company ever.

Now take that same passion and apply it to a profession that is as naked as anything in the world. There is no marketing team to support you. No CEO to direct you. It’s just you and a microphone and some poop jokes. The “insanity” of stand-ups exist in all fields. All of them. Lawyers are driven to be the best they can, as are doctors, teachers, etc. The difference is that you didn’t grow up knowing stand-ups. If, however, you grew up knowing a sole-proprietor of some small company, think about that person. It’s the business equivalent of a comedian.

If however you were talking about improvisors the question was formatted wrong because improv isn’t a vocation. It’s a vacation in every sense of the word. People are paying to have fun. The only difference is that everyone on the beach is looking at you and waiting for you to say something clever.

To ask YOUR Question to Colin- email  And read more Colin on twitter @colinhughesLA.

"Evolving Backwards?" by Alisha Gaddis

Could you tell the difference in a line-up?







Wedding Dreams “Do’s and Don’ts”- by Founder Alisha Gaddis

Founder Alisha Gaddis is getting married.   In a little over two months. 

Yep- It is a fact. 

She has a few hopes and dreams for her upcoming nuptials. Tune in each week to see what she most desires and help her dreams come true.

You guys- I watch TV.  I know that all my wedding hopes and fantasies are about to come true.  David Tutera is probably going to knock on my door and make my day into a showstopping glamourous fiesta extravaganza!  (I say fiesta because my fiance is Hispanic, and I respect his culture.)

(David Tutera)


I also watch Four Wedding, Bridezilla, and Platinum Weddings

I take notes on the do’s and don’ts of wedding etiquette. (Boy are there A LOT of them!) What is expected of me (besides being fabulous). And what is expected of everyone else- besides treating me fabulously. 

Here is just some of the awesome info I have gleaned. 

Wedding Do’s

1.  This is the bride’s day.  Everyone act accordingly.

2.  If you plan on releasing butterflies - choose Monarchs. They are classy.

3.  Hire belly dancers for the reception.  This too is classy.  

4.  Take pictures of your shoes with the wedding rings on the heel or gently placed on the inside sole. This is a must.

5. If making a reception grand entrance- use fist pumping, and if the venue allows- fireworks. 

(this venue obviously did not allow fireworks)

6. Choose a wedding cake that says, “This is us.” 


1.  Be a momzilla.  I repeat- this is the bride’s day.  Everyone act accordingly. 

2.  Don’t release butterflies. They die sometimes.  And that is NOT classy. 

3.  Don’t have a nip slip. 

(Picture has been removed by me, because I am classy)

4.  Don’t give up your dream of arriving to your wedding on an elephant just because everyone says that they don’t have elephants for hire in Indiana.  And if they DID, they would be really expensive and unrealistic, and where would you keep it?  What if it has to poop when you are on it?  Don’t they smell?  Why don’t you just get a nice Hummer limo instead? 

Don’t give up your elephant dreams!

Guys- go forth and accomplish your wedding wants! There are just around the corner. 

I sure am! 

Also, I still want everything on my registry. 

And world peace- I would like some of that too.

And after seeing this picture, maybe a dove release too..

'The Male Bag' by Colin Hughes

The one and only man on SSFB campus.  You have wrote in, often and vigorously, and Colin Hughes has answered. 

Ladies and B*tches….

QUESTION: Should I be angry if a dude I’m dating has a pretty friend who posts lots of shit on his FB wall? 

ANSWER: This is a really tough question. I want to say no, that we’re evolved and adult. I want to say that, if you trust him it shouldn’t matter. I want to pretend that life is like an episode of Friends; you know that part when Rachael took a job and there was that guy who made Ross jealous and the writers made Ross seem like the crazy one even though now, looking back, you really see why Ross was acting like he did…ugh. Poor Ross right? I mean he was the foil for so much on that show and yet he was sort of the glue that held the entire thing together.
 Rachael really was difficult to deal with at times, sure she was pretty with really trend-setting hair and Ross may have just been an average guy, when it came to looks, but he was a professor and a paleontologist! I mean he was a smart…oh shit…sorry. This is about facebook right? Not Friends? Man! Please, ask me more questions about Friends and/or Saved by the Bell.
 Anyway, I digress. That does suck. It feels shitty. I don’t know if angry is the proper emotion though. I’d say inquisitive first. In general I believe you should exhaust all other roads before you turn towards anger. It’s an emotion that damages you more than the person it’s directed towards. Not to be a hippie but I honestly believe that. There is nothing more frustrating than being angry with someone, especially when they don’t know or, worse yet, when they do not understand where your anger is coming from.
Question it. Ask him why she is doing it, does she like him? If you’re not exclusive with him than you either (a) have no reason to be angry or (b) want to be exclusive - so talk about (b) if it’s true. If you already are exclusive (side question: does saying “exclusive” make me sound like I’m 57?) then tell him it’s bumming you out. Again, and again, and again, just be honest. He can handle it.
 I get jealous when my fiancee tells me how funny someone is. That’s my thing. Other than that I rarely get jealous. I can send her out into the world 7/7 nights to go to bars without me and I will maybe get jealous one out of one-hundred nights. It’s because I trust her, partially, but it’s also because I am at the point in my life where I feel like if she were to leave me, cheat on me, or fuck up our relationship in some way I’d survive. I’d never date again, I’d probably become a goth, probably try to chill with Taran Noah Smith, but relatively speaking I’d be OK. Yet, there is that 1/100. Everyone has their things, it’s best to just deal with them and let him know what it is.
 If a girl, attractive or not, were posting to my FB wall everyday the first thing I would do in the morning is erase them. Secondly, I would contact her and say, nicely; “hey, I’m engaged (or dating) and this is coming off a bit flirty. I know it’s not your intention and I really don’t want it to become something that my fiancee (GF/BF) worries about!! It’d suck if you two couldn’t be friends.” That’s because I’m awesome, I do things like that. I love doing the hard thing. I also love making people slightly uncomfortable, but not my lovely fiancee, she deserves as much comfort as possible - I’m hard to deal with at times as it is.

  Tell him you want him to be more like me. Or actually, that’s not good advice. So tell him it’s shitty. Honestly, it may come across as slightly crazy but my feeling on relationships goes back to a simple concept; love is nothing more than finding a person whose crazies line up with your own crazies. If you are hoping to find love with this guy, expose some of your crazies right away! He’s going to find out about them eventually anyway.


That was a tough question! Remember also, he doesn’t know what your thinking or feeling unless you tell him.


To ask YOUR Question to Colin- email  And read more Colin on twitter @colinhughesLA.


It’s like LA, only somewhere else. 

Also: More Colin can be found here…

Red Wine, Cats and Recipes: Late Night Lentils (aka Lentils Like Baked Beans)

I may have mentioned this before but I pride myself on being a champion sleeper. I can drink a whole pot of coffee and instantly take a nap, I can pass out in car, on a train, in a bus, up in a plane, I can take a 3 hour nap – get up, eat – then go back to bed. Some people may call this depression.

Last night however, I could not sleep. This freaked me out, I was like “My one gift!!!” So you know what I did? I cooked.

Well correction, I watched my boyfriend cook while I stirred the bacon and drank wine. Yeah – Brett was up too. Cause I have a rule in my house: “If I am miserable – so are you.”

Anyway, Brett made an AMAZING lentil recipe that is being passed around like crack cocaine on the internet. And with good reason, it’s phenomenal.

I was suspicious that after so much wine, anything would taste awesome but I got up this morning, had them with a fried egg, and went to straight back to food heaven. This recipe is from Joe Beef, a restaurant in Montreal, and wowowowowow! The lentils have a slight Indiany/ baked beany taste and are versatile as heck; you can eat them alone, add some ground beef, lamb, chicken, serve them up with pork-chops, have them for breakfast – you name it. Plus they are mega easy. We are talking the PERFECT recipe to make if you are ever up in the middle of the night, force your boyfriend awake cause you are “bored” then decide to get drunk and stuff your face. Some people may call this depression.

Lentils Like Baked Beans 

From The Art of Living According to Joe Beef

serves 4 (or just me… seriously they are really good.)

4 slices bacon, finely chopped

1 yellow onion, finely chopped

1/2 minced garlic

2 cups red lentils, rinsed well and picked over

4 cups water

1/4 cup ketchup

2 tablespoons maple syrup, plus more if desired

2 tablespoons neutral oil (something you would fry/ saute with. Canola ect.)

2 tablespoons Coleman’s mustard powder

1 tablespoon cider vinegar, plus more if desired

1 teaspoon ground pepper, plus more if desired

1 bay leaf


Preheat oven to 350F.

Using an oven-proof pot with a lid, fry bacon until crisp. Don’t drain fat. Add onions to bacon stirring constantly for about 4-5 minutes or until onions  are tender and slightly translucent. Add garlic and cook for another minute.

Add lentils, water, ketchup, maple syrup, oil, mustard, vinegar, pepper and bay leaf. Stir to combine, season with salt and bring to a boil. Once at a boil, cover pot and place in the oven until lentils are tender, about 45 minutes. Adjust seasoning as needed. 

P.S. I should mention that my man found the recipe here: Seven Spoons. Great food blog. Plus - this person takes way better pictures than me.


SSFB welcomes COLIN HUGHES- The Male Bag

This is a lady site.  By ladies.  For B*tches. 

But sometimes you need a little Male. 

Enter- COLIN HUGHES!!!!  Colin will be answering all of your burning desires, aching needs, and scratchy itches.  You write- he answers.  From the Male POV. The Male Bag.

Good Luck Colin.  You will need it!

Stay tuned for Monday….his first response.  For now, a little treat. 

Colin Hughes is a writer, actor, and comedian. He is a self-proclaimed common sense expert who uses his talents to fix relationship, wobbly tables, and everything in between. Growing up in a small town quickly taught him to always entertain himself with whatever was available to him. His focus being extremely limited at a young age he became average at a lot of things, always stopping himself before becoming too proficient at one single skill. Colin is engaged to the beautiful Georgia Hardstark, one half of the Cooking Channel’s Alie and Georgia. Once he “put a ring on it,” he figured himself a relationship guru. He performs weekly at iO West and around Los Angeles while waiting for the next big commercial gig.

Stalk Colin more via @colinhughesLA and @ssfbitch

The Art of B*tching- ‘Retail’ by Rebekah Tripp

So…..recently folks…I changed jobs.  Hallelujah!! Thank the Lord!!  Granted….I’m still working with the general public, however, this time…I don’t have to serve them food.  Big step up.  BIG step.  I now work in a clothing store.  Which…I must say…has some magnificent perks…like big, fat discounts on more clothes that I don’t need but must have.  Think the hubs is happy about that sh*t…not on your life..but guess what…if he wants me to be the trophy wife that I aspire to be…I needs me some new duds!

As I was saying…retail.  It’s a bit of a Bermuda Triangle.  You can easily lose yourself in the clothes, the shopping, the folding, the markdowns…don’t let it happen.  Don’t be the Amelia Earhart of the customer service biz.  Most of us are looking for a new job, looking to change jobs, needing a change of pace.  Well, if you’re thinking about working at a clothing store…let me give you a few things to think about to help you make this decision; a few things I’ve learned in my extensive two weeks.

It’s BORING-  People, on the average, don’t really shop a ton at small, over priced clothing stores.  Be prepared to sit on your *ss, Swiffer the sh*t out of the floor, talk about the insanely mundane with your co workers who are 10 years younger than you, or try to fit your forearm into the legs of a double zero pair of jeans.

The Crazies – There are people that ‘shop’ (walk the mall and enter store to store without a single purchase) because they are lonely.  I use the term, crazies, very lightly.  These people are harmless and ultimately lovely.  But steel yourself to them.  They have some bizarre stories that you might be caught off guard by (like telling you their best friend died a month prior by falling and hitting their head and that they’ve just spent all day crying with their best friend’s daughter…yep…it happened)  These folks, as sweet as they seem, can turn on a dime.  Same guest as above came in to the store a few weeks prior and ranted, incredibly loudly, that the maintenance workers in the mall don’t speak English and shouldn’t have jobs.  Yea…I say it with a heavy heart but….CRAZY!

The fitting room – I will admit, at least 50% of the people conduct themselves in an appropriate manner in the fitting rooms.  The other 50%…here are some tips motherf*ckers:

    -If you are going to try on jeans…wear some underwear!!  What is wrong with you??  Women….barf..and you know why that’s barf.  Men…when you don’t wear underwear and you come out of the dressing room in your jeans….I can see it…yep…IT…I can see it..and most times it’s gross..other times..Thank you.

    -You’re not 5 anymore and your mom isn’t going to clean up your clothes!! I’m not saying that you have to hang everything up back on the sales floor but for the love of all things holy…keep it freakin orderly!!

    -I don’t work on’m not a car salesman…but I do expect that if you take 30 things in the dressing room with you…you’re going to buy more than a tank top.  If you’re not…don’t come in to my f*cking store. 

Alright my darlings.  I’ve said my peace.  If you still choose venture into that great chasm of be it.  Go cautiously and wear something cute. 

The gayest Superbowl EVER!!!

Our funny fabulous friend, Ronnie Karam, over at nailed it!

Superbowl Recap!!

Letter to the Old Black Man Riding a Horse Down Hollywood Boulevard

First of all, BALLER.

Second of all, let me introduce myself.  I’m Rebecca Leib.  I’m a writer.  You may know me from such publications as Art Ltd., Beautiful/Decay and-


You’re riding a horse. 

Fuck it. 

The first thing I noticed about you was your sheer height.  You see, not many people ride horses around these parts.  I’m pretty sure you are cognizant of that, unless you are insane.  So, who knows?  It would not be the first time I openly admired a person who is categorically insane, but it would be the first time that I did so and said person was in command of a 2,000 pound animal. So, kudos to you!

By your dreadlocks and your homeless-yet-equestrian-appropriate garb, you seem like the kind of guy who likes to be comfortable, but also take risks. 

I admire that. 

There is a thin line between looking like a Rastafarian crossing guard mountee and a Goodwill discard pile, and I’d say you were skirting that line but for your impeccably-kept saddle.  Where did you get such a nice, English-style saddle?  Saddles will run you a couple thousand dollars, and judging by the thickness of your facial hair and your minimum attention to dental hygiene, I would say that you perhaps could not afford such a grandiose expenditure.

…Did you kill a man and take his saddle?

I’m sorry if I sound assumptive.  I don’t mean to judge your life, your lifestyle, or how you wish to be perceived by the wide array of sex shop workers and patrons on this street. 

I surely don’t mean to call you insane, unless you are that. So…are you insane?  Are you a prophet from some book in the New Testament that I wouldn’t have recognized because I’m a dirty, dirty Atheistic Jew? 

I mean, I assume you are religious, from the backpack you’re wearing and the gigantic cross dangling out of it.  

But again- maybe I’m just being assumptive.  I don’t mean to be.  In a world where fucking apeshit crazy people on horseback and super, hypersexy comediennes in flannel could be friends, by god, WE WOULD BE.  But for now,  you have inspired me.  I leave you with some famous poetry modified to fit in with my life from one of my favorite hobbies, modifying famous poetry to fit in with my life.

This one’s Robert Frost.  You may know of him, or perhaps you are carrying around something of his in your dirty backpack?

"Stopping by Hollywood on a Smoggy Evening." By Robert Frost BUT ALSO AND REBECCA LEIB

Whose limo dispatch buildings these are I think I know.   
His house is in Franklin Village though;   
He will not see me stopping here   
To watch his limo dispatch buildings fill up with snow.   

My little horse must think it queer   
To stop without a farmhouse near   
Between the Loteria and Trader Joe’s  
The darkest evening of the year.   

He gives his harness bells a shake   
To ask if there is some mistake.   
The only other sound’s the sweep   
Of easy wind and Trannies Trannies Trannies.   

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.   
But I have promises to keep,   
And miles to go before I P90X,   
And miles to go before I P90X.
You’re Welcome.

Check out this hilarious- and I do mean HILARIOUS- Movie Trailer from one of L.A’s Favorite Improv groups- Kick Drum Decade. 

Bonus Feature:  Favorite SSFB Funny Lady Maggy Keegan makes a cameo (or two).

Say Something Funny…B*tch Approved!

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